Alcohol after the age of 50, the good, bad, ugly and truth

One thing for sure, drinking at age 18 and drinking at age 50 isn't the same.

I drank at age 18 to have fun, I drink at age 50+, to pretend I'm 18 again to have the fun I did at 18 that seems to escape me now.

But in physically reality I'm not 18 anymore, or 25, and so my body doesn't handle alcohol the same way, not if drink a lot anyways.

And truth is I've wasted a lot of time, blown a lot of opportunities, said, stated, a lot of stupid things over the last 20 years or so, since allowed alcohol back into my life, probably the one biggest mistake I've ever made in as far as set backs.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of successful people who drink, harder than me, but they're already successful or just have or had better support network around them, when you have good friends, successful people around you, a rich generous family, drink or no drink, those around you won't allow you to fail, but when alone, and only have self to depend upon, than drinking can change the course of your life.

Anyways, much more to follow as I deal with trying to sober up, once again, in order to get the most out of what's left of my time here on Earth.

Not sure if this is sobriety related or not, meaning stopped drinking as of late.

But woke up this morning not really feeling a ounce of emotion or glee or feelings inside, I just lay there alive, with no emotional direction at all, and not sure if that's cause while drinking so routinely as of about 2 weeks ago, maybe my real emotions just shut down, went away since alcohol fueled my emotions for so long, I don't know, being sober again is like an experiment, so need more weeks to see what is what when it comes to sorting out my real feelings again.

I think I'll go get a few beers this evening, why?
Cause I don't have to work tomorrow, and would rather get one last night of light beer drinking out of the way than to drink tomorrow, the day before work.

That type of logic only makes sense to someone who drinks.

Drinking teaches you to be content doing nothing


There's the non-drinking me, and then there's the drinking me.

And then there's the in between both of those stages of myself.

Each is different.

Like right now I'm sober, just got done with long shift at work, but I'm home now and sober, and feel a bit 'after work lost'.
But that may have more to do with the fact I have to work tomorrow and go to bed soon, so phycological I don't like to get too worked up about anything if I know I have to go to work the next day.

But I still think that has to do with a drinker's mindset, cause years ago, when didn't drink, and off work, time was time, whether had to work the next day or not, if off from work that was my time to do whatever and stay up as late as it took to get it done.

How can I put this; I think drinking so regularly over the years has really prevented me from forging a meaningful existence for myself outside of drinking.

I mean when you drink, there's what I call 'drinkers' activity', and that's stuff you get into while drunk, which is basically nothing, humoring yourself, even social media can fall into that.
And when you drink you learn or develop a very short attention span, so you may get into a lot of 'nothing tasks', engage them for a few minutes, and move on.

When drunk, you're more caught up in feeling dizzy to self-more so than actually accomplishing anything.

And it's only when you stop drinking do you realize that. Drinking teaches you to be content doing nothing, that's the best way I can sum it up.

I feel like I'm transversion into a odd 'no drunk zone' realm



I feel like I'm transversing into a odd 'no drunk zone' realm.

Probably going on around 2 weeks now since drank (broke down one Friday and had like 1.5 cans of beer in that time but that's it)

But at the same time been dealing with some kind of inflammatory upper body pain at the same time, but even that's beginning to subside a bit, but it's been a big distracter.

I'm just going through a physiological change right now.

Losing weight also but still basically have no friends (not sure why I threw that in, maybe cause I just woke up and mind is still in la la land)

I have a drunk side personality and a sober side personality, both are related, I just wonder how much of my drunk side personality and behavior will be left behind?

I do know I'm to old to try to be what anyone thinks I should be, and not sure why it matters anymore.
Life, or my life didn't turn out the way I thought, so have to deal with where I'm at.

I don't know why my world is the way it is, and tired of trying to figure it out.

I haven't drank in over a month now, and can honestly say physically I don't feel any healthier, I do have more sustained energy, sort of.

Here's the breakdown for me

The good or positive from not drinking

1. cleaner more honest energy, when I have it, rather than drunk fake energy passion and sentiment

2. Able to get more down through course of day, being sober helps me to stay focused longer.

I think when drinking, you just don't have time to notice all the minor details about your health, cause when not working always drinking to get drunk.

But when finally sober, tend to notice everything about your health.

Also, when drunk, you just don't care about your health as much...I don't know, just woke up, so this post not making sense much.

It's almost like this, death is coming to all one way or the other, and seems I would of rather died while super drunk and not caring about it, than to be sober and die with clear thoughts, I mean which is worse?

Terrible post, thoughts aren't together yet, just woke up, it's as if I'm half dreaming still.

I can say I've pretty much been sober now going on two months or so or less, long enough to have been cleansed of all effects of alchol, and well, right now as I right this I'm buzzing with energy, and haven't even taken a energy drink, it's unreal.

But I have been taking natural herbs, for pain I was having which I associated with drinking but I think it was actually parasites, which I've done massive research on and will share later.

So been cleansing body with natural herbs like Black Walnut leaves, Clove, pumpkin seeds and more..again will share more of this later so that you know the back story.

But as I type this, I will say I feel super energized, like I haven't in a long while, and again not do to any energy drink, but just do to, well, I don't really know, maybe just having a clean body for a change, and eating less.

To be continued.