Alcohol after the age of 50, the good, bad, ugly and truth

I'm writing this here cause when made decision I made yesterday I was drinking, and that decision was to go ahead and try to get a new Dodge Challenger.



And now of course now that it's morning, and reason has set in again, I'm doing what most do after sobering up, and that is double guessing self.

And this is what's so hideous about drinking and getting drunk is you lose your sense of reality, and when making decisions during those moments, they're usually not good, or they're silly.

Well here's the thing about financing a Dodge Challenger, it's a car, and with it would come large payments that would get old after 2-3 months, long after the drunken mood I was in to get it has left.

No matter, mood or no mood, the payments would continue, regardless of employment status, health status, the economy, those payments would continue on and on and on, the consequence of my decision today will seep far into the future.

And that's what I really needed a friend to tell me yesterday.

Not that I have any cause I really don't. I have people I talk with, but that's all they are, are people I use to work with and talk to from time to time.

But even then I needed someone to tell me what I just told myself, and that is 'can you really afford it?'.....not just today, but a week from now, next month, next year, a year and a half from now, can you afford those payments which will be around for years.
And the answer to that is I really do not know.

And if that's the answer I probably should call the dealer and say 'no, I can't come in today'.

That would make me look really stupid and indecisive, but is probably the right thing to do.
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I just returned from walking around small place on this early morning, and with whatever issues I think I have, one issue i don't have is that I'm not economically stressed at the moment.

Aquirering a new Dodge Challenge would totally add a level of stress to my life that isn't there now.
Do I really want that level of stress in my life?

Do I really want to, for the next however many years, feel like I have to work?

Now, I can take or leave a job, cause I'm always a few months ahead of bills, or a bit more, but if I get Dodge Challenger it would be near impossible for me to save.

Or I'd have to adjust life in a way to earn more income as in roommate, or second job, and again I'd have to sustain that forever, it's not like I can just say after 4 months, 'OK, I want to go back to my old simple life of no bills'...nope, the payments will continue to shape my life for the better or worse as long until car paid for.

So with all that being said, as I sit here this early morning, sober, thinking, on my last day off before going to work again, I can honestly say I don't want the car anymore.

Or at least the payments that I'll have for the next 4-5 years.

Cause I know they'd be around 450 minimum, then add higher new car insurance to that, probably an overall commitment of 600 dollars a month...nah.

I don't need it.
I'll just have to settle on being the usual older car driving not cool self, so maybe rather than a new car today, maybe I'll splurge on clothing to at least make myself feel better.

This is why drinking is no good, cause you make decisions while drunk you normally wouldn't, and then those decision effect the lives of others.
And now those salespeople all happy, cause they think they have a sale, but they don't after I call up and tell them I've changed my mind.

I even purchased a few scratch offs yesterday in hopes of winning a down payment amount of winning, not so, luck still bad as ever.

Well, that's it, at least for now, mind is made up, the smart thing to do is not to buy the car, cause I cannot afford it, and don't want that constant strain of stress for years to come.
Right now my life is boring, but boring doesn't seem so bad compared to stressed and economically stressed all the time which I'd be if I got that vehicle.

Well, now that have decided to not get a new car today, today is going to be just yet another boring dull day.
But at least at the end of the day i won't be broke.

I even fantacized about having that new car in parking lot, imagined it in my head.

But what I can't imagine is having those payments a year from now when I could be in a totally different mood, maybe by then rent will be so jacked up that I'll be thanking self for not getting a new car.

I know we only live once, and I should just 'go for it', but while alive I don't want to be stressed out all the time.

And a new car is simply a lust society says I'd be better off having, it's a lust, not a must.

Today would of been a drinking persons perfect day to start drinking for me in the past.

1. Going through post work sludgy early morning feeling

2. It's grey out, clouds, no sun

3. Mood is flat at the moment.

4. Nothing planned.


Perfect storm, in the past, for me to start drinking.

But nah, at least for now I chose not to go down that predictable and ultimetely depressing path.

I'll stay sober and just deal with it, the day 'as is'.

As you know, I'm on the road to sobriety, a road I set out on on my own.

And I'm so thankful I didn't drink yesterday, cause this morning as I wake up for work, I don't hate the world as much.

There's something about drinking that made me hate the world, the after effects of getting drunk, the hangover portion of drinking, you wake up hating the world, or at least hating the fact that you have to get out of bed and go do something that you don't want to do, but at the moment that process is 'your world'.

But when sober, no alcohol is system for days or weeks or months, waking up in the morning isn't so bad after all, cause wake up feeling refreshed as should, rather than grouchy, alcohol grouchy.

Yes, today is here, and so am I, sober and all, and ready to get up and go through the motions.

Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be off again, but I'm not, so it's time to go do this.

I just hope someone else can benefit from me sharing and writing all this down, sometime in the future or even now as I share it in current time.

Let's get up out of bed and do this...

Chemical addiction is such a flaw, it's such a flaw, you're in tune to nothing better when drunk or stoned, you're just addicted and stupid.

Today has 'drink beer' written all over it, can I resist?

Today has 'drink beer' written all over it, can I resist?

I have to work tomorrow, haven't even left place yet today, maybe I won't, but did order some shoes from Amazon that should be arriving shortly, that'll be my excuse to get up and out, only bad thing is the locker is up at a corner store, and corner stores have beer, D'oh!

I'm really not in a drinking mood, being fit is much more fun, if you ask me, but just because you're fit, or trying to get fit, doesn't mean you aren't or can't get lonely.

And I think for some, beer just makes up for being lonely, which there really is no instant cure for, I mean either you have people in your life who like you, like having you around, or you do not, it's not something you can just instantly get...beer you can instantly get, love, and acceptance you cannot.