Alcohol after the age of 50, the good, bad, ugly and truth

Ye, I almost fell for that 'I'm feeling bad, or low energy, depleted ect, so better go buy some beers to cheer self up' type of inner talk.

What I did instead was drink about 80% of can of beer, then stopped, and then tossed out other unopened can into the river or waterway.
Me getting drunk, feeling good about self, for a few hours, isn't going to change anything, instead I'd of just woke up feeling stupid and low.

If I feel bad, maybe I need to feel bad, maybe it's only being in touch with current real time mood is what allows us to make change in our lives, I think drinking to much gives us the excuse of not making any changes in life that matter, that effect mental and moral prosperity.
No saying the war is won, just saying on this particular day I chose a different path.

I drank again last night.
On a scale of 1 to bad, it's not like I did anything news worthy, but I did act out, as usual, over the phone, and internet, when drunk and lonely.

If there's a hole in your life, you're going to fill it with something, attention, whatever.

Man wasn't meant to be alone, yet there are plenty of lonely, and alone people in today's society.
Once people clock out from work, most have no idea what they do or become to fill the loneliness hole or void.

I'm going dry again

I'm going dry again, every now and then that inner voice just says 'stop', and every now and then I listen.
I can't keep playing with my health at my age, I mean sure I look a lot younger than people would suspect or guess, but none the less I'm getting up there.

And also, I just feel better when I'm dry, I have more energy, more clarity, more focus, and my self esteem goes up.

I mean I really have nothing to drink to anymore, nothing to celebrate, so why even bother getting drunk anymore?
I think I've gotten all the silliness out of my system, for now anyways.

When younger I didn't drink, so maybe I've been trying to make up for it during my middle aged years.

Anyways, I'm dry for now, we'll see how it goes.

It's Friday, I'm off a bit early, and you know what, I'm going to do something daring tonight, and that is to not drink.

I was going to, even bought 2 4 packs, but then after drinking one of those small, miniture bottles of 'barefoot' wine, I just said to myself

'What's the point of drinking any further?

I mean I've gone 3 days without, since was my work cycle, but now I'm off for a while, but drinking won't enhance anything cause I don't have anything to celebrate.
It was a bland to crummy work day, yet physically, other than after work wear and tear, I feel pretty decent, so why spoil that with a bunch of beer tonight?

Those who don't care about me, whether I'm alive or dead, could care the less if I'm drunk or sober, but it does matter to 'me'.

So ye, no beer tonight, that way I can get a lot more stuff done.

Also, when sober, you find out what really excites you and what doesn't

When sober, you can't fool yourself, example...

You know like when younger, and at a party, someone would show up that you despised, yet when drunk, suddenly you'd get along with them, and them with you.
But when sober again, you both went back to despising one another.

Same with interests in life, or even people you encounter when older.

When drunk, or I call it 'drunken enthusiasm', you tend to embrace stuff, projects, ideas, or some people, that when sober you really have no interest in.
As such, when sober up, it's like you're able to re-align your life properly towards stuff, people, projects, that really matter, rather than ones you only care about when drunk.

Being sober has helped me realize what a useless, pathetic life I've been living, always, or many times, being drunk or drinking, when off from work, shielded me from that reality



I've been sober for a few days now, I've had like two bad beer days in the last 12 or 14 days maybe?
Either way, I've been sober, on my days off, way more than drunk, as of late, as such I'm beginning to realize stuff.

1. I've been living in a fantasy world, one I've created for myself to comfort me from reality, I guess.

Actually, a lot of people do that, in fact most people do that, so I can't come down to hard on myself for doing the same.

2. I have no friends, being sober really brings that point home.
When drunk or drinking, sure, I become 'drunk friendly' in that will call people who never call me, and pretend everything is OK, when in reality, I may as well be dead to them, I am dead to them actually.

3. I've wasted a lot of time doing absolutely nothing, is why my life is so empty now.

And I've noticed other things as well, which actually, in the past, would make me want to drink, to avoid that reality...but this time, no, this time, I want to face the ugliness of it all, I want to feel the lonliness, the pain, ect, for it's only by feeling it that maybe I can then try to correct it.

If no one likes me, I want to live that reality, if valued by no one, I want to no how that feels....and most of all I want to see how I react to it all when sober.