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Post by Admin on Apr 19, 2024 15:35:55 GMT
Just got back from working out, driving around.
I drank yesterday, like an emotional fool.
If I didn't drink, my life would be so much better, I'd feel so much better about myself, even my health would be much better, my physical and mental, and maybe even spiritual life.
Anyways, I've got assignments to attend to.
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Post by Admin on Apr 27, 2024 15:36:59 GMT
Here I sit, on the edge of my bed, eating salmon and mac and cheese.
Another day before me, one out of billions of space years, time, I've been given to be here and aware of it all.
Plans for the day?
I don't know, it'll start with a workout, then who knows.
Come back and study...remember, I'm in film school now, so ye, at my age, it's like I'm living more the lifestyle of a studying college student, minus the partying and friends.
I should of just gotten a RV and retreated into the woods, as first intended to...stupid me, no, I had to pay the tuition for a film school....stupid me.
Never make important decisions when drinking or drunk.
Speaking of drinking and being drunk, that's something I cannot do anymore, if I hope to get the most out of this course.
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Post by Admin on May 21, 2024 9:44:39 GMT
A lot has changed since the last post
The place I resided in for over 10 years is no more, gone.
I'm in a new place now, but doesn't feel like home at all, feels more like a fort or a hut.
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Post by Admin on May 21, 2024 9:45:56 GMT
One thing for sure, if I'm going to get ahead in my world, not this world, but get ahead in my world, I can't afford to be lazy anymore.
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Post by Admin on Jun 3, 2024 12:25:32 GMT
I take my time getting up and out of bed in the morning...I don't believe in rushing for anything or anyone before making sure I've got plenty of rest or feel rested.
To old to be proving myself to 'self' or others by tearing myself out of bed to be some place early.
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Post by Admin on Jun 3, 2024 12:29:36 GMT
In this world you've got to prioritize yourself, especially if, when older.
The older you get, the less potential people see in you.
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Post by Admin on Jun 3, 2024 12:33:00 GMT
I'm pretty much no good to the world or myself before 9 am...who am I fooling.
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Post by Admin on Jun 5, 2024 13:28:53 GMT
A new day, but I'm not new or my ways.
I wish I could change for the better with each new day, rotation of the earth.
-------------------------
Time to get up and take on chaos...I need none of it, and should of just retreated to the woods as a hermit.
People are just to complex to deal with, what was I thinking trying to go back to film school at my age.
Oh well, I can't afford to be a slouch now.
Just having morning time doubts right now.
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Post by Admin on Jun 9, 2024 15:18:33 GMT
I laid in bed way to long this morning...way way to long...oh well, I'm up now and got tasks to do, mainly writing a script I'm working on which is tedious, but must be done.
That aside, it's a new day, and hopefully some new ways, we shall see.
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Post by Admin on Jul 3, 2024 8:40:13 GMT
4:30 am
I woke up, got up, and now typing.
I sit here with a mini sense of dread, not about anything that has happened to me, but rather a sense of dread at all the time I've wasted, and or a sense of dread that soon things will revert back to 'nothing' for me.
I'm taking a film course now from money I got from selling a house.
Originally I had planned to take that money and reinvest it in land, but I diverted from that plan, and now I kind of have a feeling of dread lingering in me in that if I made the wrong decision I'll suffer, and suffer terribly, in that I'll have to get back out there and work a normal job and once again be a wage slave when I had a chance to end that cycle in my life forever...cause I'll never ever get another chance to be free.
Did I blow it?
Is following your dreams only for young or much younger people?
Was I stupid to so call 'follow a dream' at my age by taking this film course, which wasn't exactly cheap?
Only time will tell, and that's what's driving me right now, is the dread of wasting an opportunity I had on a cheap dream, rather than on grounded economic soundness.
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Post by Admin on Jul 8, 2024 13:05:54 GMT
Just got up.Not in the most positive mood. I think what we eat has a lot to do with our moods. I think the chemicals they put in meat, or foods in general, can effect our moods. I ate popcorn before going to bed in the early morning. Anyways, regardless, I just don't feel so hopeful about anything this Monday morning.And I haven't had a drink in 7 days, yet I woke up feeling down and right near depressed, as if nothing ever will work out, and that I'm just fooling myself thinking otherwise. I just woke up feeling like 'Why am I even still here?'...as in what purpose could I have anymore, if ever had one. Bill Gates had, has purpose, Trump has, had purpose, Miles Davis, the trumpet player had purpose, Jimmie Hendrix had purpose, heck, even Elvis had purpose...what purpose do I have, heck my YT videos don't even get views anymore, and my art matters to no one...or at least it's not allowed to be seen do to control of view distribution by google and other online valves that make common people undiscoverable anymore. The internet was fun a decade ago cause everyone was discoverable...not anymore, greed and commerce has taken over the internet and slimmed it up...as in slime. Anyways, first order of business is I gotta go to the bank and get debt card activated again cause I thought I lost my wallet on Saturday night, when it was actually in the fridge....I was so upset I even cursed god. Now I gotta go to the bank and stand around folks that will annoy the hell out of me, and I'm sure me them as well. It's Monday, yuk.  www.spreaker.com/episode/52762339
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Post by Admin on Jul 11, 2024 5:33:56 GMT
Boy how time fly's.
Just looked at the clock and it's already 1:30 am..wow.
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Post by Admin on Jul 11, 2024 5:55:58 GMT
Sometimes it's best not to check messages or emails before bed, that way you don't receive some negative info that will sour your sleep.
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Post by Admin on Aug 7, 2024 12:23:53 GMT
Deactivated my one and only last remaining account on X, or twitter, talk about a feeling of liberation.
I mean why should I continue to waste my time going to a site where I get basically no views, no comments, no impressions, nothing....while at the same time I get harvested for my info...screw that.
It becomes an emotional drain after a while, when you post superb comments, stuff, and yet the algorithm suppresses your posts.
I think the people prior to Elon taking over did it.
Cause I used to get like 500+ average impression, twitter used t be fun, prior to the Trump years, but it just changed when Trump ran for office.
It's not Trump's fault, but that's just when ultra left types began tweeking stuff behind the scenes, shadow banning ect.
What an evil practice shadow banning is.
Silicon valley is full of evil snake like people, period.
I guess every ones capable of being evil, but not all evil people have control over others like folks in silicon valley do.
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Post by Admin on Aug 28, 2024 10:36:55 GMT
I can't sleep right now, it's still dark out, but not for long.
Like a lonely fool, I drank some beers yesterday, and like a lonely fool, I'm feeling the mental effects now and paying the consequences now.
When I'm drinking or drunk I talk to people I shouldn't , make calls I shouldn't, say things or suggest things I have no business saying or suggesting, then later on I regret it, of course.
But when alone and lonely most of the time, most of you life, what do you expect.
If I had someone, none of these problems would exist, maybe other problems, but not the ones unique to me now.
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