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Post by Admin on Jul 1, 2021 15:22:06 GMT
Morning time thoughts  Morning time thoughts to follow
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Post by Admin on Jul 1, 2021 15:30:04 GMT
Morning time thoughts are an important part of preparing for the day ahead, whether working or not.
Sometimes I wake up, and wonder why I'm even here, why ever even made, and sometimes life just seems like one very long day.
Also, I notice in my dreams, I'm never old, but then again rarely ever see self in my dreams, unless in front of a mirror, which hardly ever occurs.
But I think in dreams we always see ourselves around 15-25, I guess, I mean I've never had a dream where my own age ever was a issue.
I've never been 'old' in a dream, maybe others have but I haven't.
Anyways, a long work day awaits.
I've been a lone for so long can't imagine waking up with others in place, as in a spouse or relative or anyone.
Sometimes I like that, other times so need a hug and encouragement before stepping out in the world, is why I write so much, I guess, I guess writing so much substitutes for real discussions I'd have with folks if I had a companion of sorts.
One more long shift than I'm off.
One thing for sure, age, my age, sure has slowed down the fact that I must work to earn a paycheck in order to live someone what comfortably.
But one day, like most, I won't be able to, do to illness, ect, then what?
The streets?
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Post by Admin on Sept 28, 2021 7:48:00 GMT
When I sleep at night  When I sleep at night, and or early morning, pre sunlight, I feel so long, sexy, and peaceful. Everything just goes away, no matter how bad or good the previous day was, nighttime is so incredibly still for me, while laying there, in and out of sleep and dreaming. I feel incredibly beautiful and at peace with self during this time. Maybe cause there's no mirrors, no daylight, just biological harmony. I mean even though I probably drink to much when off, at least I'm still in decent enough shape that I can sleep without any pain or discomfort. And I never sleep on a flat surface, so my legs just tend to wrap over and around the terrain of my bedding, and maybe that's part of my health is that I never sleep on a flat bed, haven't in years, and I think that's one of the most unhealthy things a person can do to their body is sleep on a flat mattrass. With me, my legs are always elevated above my stomach and chest area. I enjoy my long lanky body at night as I lay there, long lanky body, long lanky feet, and long slender arms, it just all flows together like a beautiful stream. (Don't ask me where all of this is coming from, but do know can only write about things while you can, cause one day won't be able to) And sometimes, like this morning, the morning darkness just seems to stretch own and own and own, as if getting two nights out of one. I do have to work tomorrow though, but at least this morning, this morning is allowed to slink into the daylight without the displeasure of having to prepare for work, for when home alone, laying on bedding terrain, all always seems fine.
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Post by Admin on Nov 29, 2021 18:52:27 GMT
Not sure if it's really still the morning or not, but when off from work I don't look at the clock, I just go by own energy level and mood.
I've stopped drinking so able to squeeze more out of the day, but have a slight pesty cold that won't go away, and no, it's not covid, it's a regular common cold that mankind has been getting forever, as we did as muffins, teens, and adults, not every sneeze or scratchy throat is 'the covid', what a sham and scam.
But at least I have the next few days off to do whatever, and right now, about to get started on 'whatever', and see where that leads me.
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Post by Admin on Dec 15, 2021 15:33:57 GMT
Here's what I need to do today first thing Here's what I need to do today first thing to keep things aligned properly. 1. Get dressed, groom face, hair and all. 2. Go to grocery store (yuk, haven't been there for ages), but need stuff 3. Go to other smaller convenience store to get another item. That's the first order of business I need to get out of the way in order to put self at ease, then we'll see what else comes up. I could order those groceries online, but may, just may, go to store myself, depends on how I look in the mirror before I leave place. The better I look to self, the more confidence and self-esteem is boosted, we shall see how friendly or unfriendly the mirror is today. 
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Post by Admin on Dec 23, 2021 12:46:59 GMT
Pre work thoughts
Today will be heading to a place called 'Temple Terrace', a suburb of Tampa.
Just another long dull drive to me, but then after today, assuming all goes well, meaning no accidents, breakdowns, then I may be off for a while.
Just another day, and obviously that mentality is my doing, a serious of decisions since the 1st grade led me to where I'm at now, I suppose.
But looking back, whatever I expected, wherever I expected to be in life, I don't there where I'm at now is it.
Just where am I at right now?
I don't know, a very empty spot I suppose.
But then again these are morning thoughts, pre-work thoughts, which tend to be a bit more reflective.
I don't even know what Xmas is anymore, it's noise other people make I suppose.
And I'm not a 'at least' type of person, to me 'at least-ism', is a losers gospel.
For who wants the least out of life...only a loser would.
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Post by Admin on Dec 24, 2021 12:54:02 GMT
It's Xmas eve  It's Xmas eve, and I feel about as thrilled about it as the guy above. I have nothing against Xmas, nothing at all, and glad this time of the season still has great meaning to many. Me, I'll be spending it alone, as usual, so for me it's just another day off from work. No turkey, nothing, maybe some eggs, or whatever happens to be in the fridge.
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Post by Admin on Jan 14, 2022 12:06:43 GMT
Why can't I ever wake up feeling good about life and charged, instead of always groggy?
I usually feel decent if wake up after 8 am, so for me it may just be sleep cycle, not a wake up early type of person.
And, and, seems I always wake up wishing I were someone else, someone smaller, someone more 'cute', someone more beloved by society, the world.
Instead, I wake up often feeling like a monster, I'm not a monster, but that's often how I feel the world makes me feel.
But usually by the time I'm up and about and mentally adjusted, that perception of self goes away, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.
I think a lot of people often wake up wishing they were someone else or looked a different way, I think I'm just simply one of the few honest enough to admit it.
I think the last time someone wished they were me was in high school at a high school party, some dude named Rory, if I remember right, but they were drunk...and I guess while they were drunk, and listening to some LL Cool J song 'Going back to Cali', I guess they, for a minute, wished they were me.
Wow.
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Post by Admin on Jan 19, 2022 13:54:35 GMT
About time to step out into society and go to work.
I don't like looking old or older, cause I don't think I've earned my age, haven't accomplished squat for my age, and so to me, aging is a taunt.
Is why I try too hard to look and feel younger than I really am by working out, and even dying hair where I can.
Grey or gray hair is for those who have actually accomplished something in life.
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Post by Admin on Feb 7, 2022 12:05:15 GMT
A few weeks ago had it in my mind to try to finance a new home, or any home, now today, that enthusiasm has faded.
I mean I'm over the age of 50, most affortable mortgages are 30 years, I'll be around 80 in 30 years, which basically means I'll be dead, or if still here totally useless and on a machine to stay alive.
I mean sure now I can work, but no way 30 years from now.
In other words if I bought a house now, there's no way that house would get paid off before I died or was to sick and old to work anymore.
I'd be lucky to get 4-6 years into that mortgage before something went medically wrong, but either way I still gotta pay rent, either way, as long as alive, I have to pay something, so it's either rent or pay a bank, and rent just keeps going up and up.
I tell you what, growing older while still living a check to check working persons life really is no fun at all, especially if haven't accumilated much of value along the way.
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Post by Admin on Feb 13, 2022 13:37:51 GMT
If a male and over the age of 50, it starts to feel more like a countdown to death, after a while.
I don't think females are use to having males around much after the age of 50, certainly not within the 'B' community, where most males die off way before that or spend waning years in prison and so when get out are no good to self or society.
Men who lived hard and reckless when younger, live on the streets, and eat from the Salvation Army, when older.
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Post by Admin on Mar 6, 2022 15:27:49 GMT
I feel like I could just lay in bed all day, on this first of 3 days off in a row.
Working long hours just seems to have more and more of a brutal effect on my body and health.
This idea that work is good for you, says who?
Not when older it isn't.
Staying busy is good for you, but not working for a wage in a blue collar setting.
Staying busy at home or on spare time, and working for a wage performing some repetitive labor job for 10 + hours a shift, aren't the same thing.
Not even.
And usually those who say they are don't labor for a living.
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Post by Admin on Mar 6, 2022 15:35:31 GMT
And why and how come does the face seem to always be about 10 years ahead of the body in age?
I mean could right now take picture of just my body, you'd think I were 19-25 yr old, but then if took picture of morning face with it, you'd think I were in my 40's.
It just amazes me how, for whatever reason, our faces age, or seem to age, way ahead of our bodies.
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Post by Admin on Apr 12, 2022 11:45:00 GMT
I don't mind making bad decisions, as long as I make them for self, and by self.
It's when you make bad decisions thinking that you're either helping or impressing another, is when those bad decisions feel the worst.
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Post by Admin on Apr 12, 2022 11:47:44 GMT
I have to make a decision today, and I have no way of knowing if it's a wise decision, a stupid one or anything.
I just know you can only make good or bad decisions while alive.
In other words the time to live is while alive, not when to old to care or just plain dead, cause when dead, deceased, you can't make any more decisions ever.
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