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Post by Admin on Dec 9, 2022 12:23:17 GMT
I'm a 50 + type basically living the same life I did when was 23, maybe even a harder life, cause at least when 23 people still someone cared about your well being and future.
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Post by Admin on Jan 6, 2023 12:11:03 GMT
I never let others start my day for me.
I start my day how and when I want, meaning I don't wake up to calls, or texts or anything.
Same with going to bed at night.
About 1 hour before bed, no calls, won't answer.
Cause with me, I know by now if get called right as waking up, it's nothing good...evil loves to plant crap into your mind that you can't solve.
Not a soul on this earth cares about me anymore, as such I don't feel obliged to be concerned or to worry about anything or anyone outside of self.
I know that sounds 'hard', but it's not, it's called health.
Above a certain age, noise is just not healthy.
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Post by Admin on Jan 6, 2023 12:13:32 GMT
When you're not loved, don't feel loved, you just begin to analyze things differently.
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Post by Admin on Jan 6, 2023 12:17:04 GMT
Also, if I were already dead and gone, the same generic emails would, will, continue to come to inboxes.
The same junk mail will still arrive, the same spam calls.
In other words nothing is generated specifically for me, it's all generic.
It's been that way for years, and years.
I only exist on paper to this world.
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Post by Admin on Jan 6, 2023 12:20:24 GMT
No one cares that I woke up this morning.
And if wasn't employed, my purpose in this world would be zero.
And the only reason employer cares that I got up, is cause if I don't show up at work, it creates scheduling isssues.
But say I quit job tomorrow, then they to would no longer care whether I woke up or not.
That's my reality.
But that reality aside, for 'self', I still have to find ways to keep my own moral up.
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Post by Admin on Jan 6, 2023 13:10:21 GMT
Good intentions add up to a pile of beans.
I wish I had known this when younger.
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Post by Admin on Jan 14, 2023 12:21:43 GMT
Getting up this morning and stepping out of the sanctuary of my place seems and feels like an abomination to me right now.
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Post by Admin on Jan 28, 2023 12:49:22 GMT
Oncce over the age of 50, if want to live much past that, your life will really need to start orientating towards health, and I don't mean wait till you get sick and go to the doctor type of lazy health, I mean be your own doctor and nutritionist so that you don't get sick to begin with, type of health.
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Post by Admin on Jan 31, 2023 6:53:11 GMT
Still dark out I sat up, and now am up, cause, I don't know. Seems 'slipping away' is so easy when over a certain age....and just like that you're gone, as if never here. I see how many (at least many as in celebrities that we hear about in the news) seem to pass in their early 50's, but the one connection I see between many of their passing is they were usually on over the counter or prescribed drugs. Me, I'm on nothing other than beer every now and then, and even that I'm trying to quit. The heart is frail and fragile enough as it is, as we age, let alone if always bombarding the heart with drugs, be they prescribed or illicit. I just don't do drugs, no do I visit the doctor ever, which I probably should start doing soon. ---------------------------- I also recently have cut 'sauces' out of my diet as in ketchup, mustard, BB sauce, ect, cause of the corn syrup and other highly concentrated sugars in them. I've abused my body badly at times, over the years, but not as bad as others, or obviously I wouldn't still be here. ----------------------- And I don't fear 'hell' anymore, the whole fire and brimstone just seems like science fiction to me now. I'd almost even rather die, and wake up in some kind of hell, than to just be obliterated and never be consciously aware of anything again. 
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Post by Admin on Feb 17, 2023 8:47:56 GMT
A rough sleeping morning, for some reason.
One of those mornings where it almost feels like I drank the day before, but I didn't, instead I was working, but I still have that 'after drinking' type of feeling.
Also, had one of those semi sleep paralysis type of dreams.
I was laying on my side and it's like something was laying behind me, kind of 'talk whispering' stuff.
It felt evil and angry, and was posing as what felt like my elderly Mother, but in a more younger body.
And even though I wasn't looking at it, it felt like it was in the form of black smoke or a black mist.
And I was in the living room, and it felt oh so real.
Anyways, so goes the human mind, and or the spirits that seem to dwell in it from time to time.
It's Friday and I'm off today.
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Post by Admin on Feb 17, 2023 9:06:09 GMT
Time to lay back down, too early to be up.
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Post by Admin on Mar 17, 2023 12:30:02 GMT
Sometimes I ask myself 'what did I do to deserve this?
And a voice in my head answers 'You were born'
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2023 12:42:25 GMT
Time for work, just caught a mouse in a non lethal trap, will make video of it and share later, but right now have to head off to work...
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Post by Admin on Mar 26, 2023 15:15:16 GMT
I've got that new 'super bing' tab, bar thing, but haven't activated it yet, I'm just not sure I want all that super artificial intelligence stuff all up in my computer.
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Post by Admin on Mar 26, 2023 15:28:53 GMT
I'm sober, and my mood is very flat right now.
Coffee is in order, then maybe, just maybe, I'll have some booze.
Nothing else fun to really look forward to doing today.
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