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Post by Admin on Apr 25, 2023 15:34:15 GMT
Still barely the morning here  Still barely morning here. Woke up early, then went back to sleep, now awake again, and already half the useful day is gone. Although I'm more of a mid afternoon type of person, and like 10 pm is more like my 4 pm. Anyways, I need to get dressed, I notice when off from work, and home, if I don't get dressed I tend to lob around the place all day, but getting fully dressed just puts me in a different 'get things done', type of mindset. Monday was terrible, I drank on Sunday and the effects spilled over into Monday. But over all my drinking is down, I mean I've only had one drink day in 7 days, assuming I make it through today without a beer. And already the weight is dropping, again...and I generally feel better, more sustained energy, and my mood is improving overall. When you have energy and not in pain, your mood does tend to improve. Drinking brings a whole host of issues with it, especially as you age. Anyways, time to get dressed and see where my mood leads me to do today. 1. I still need to file my taxes, no worries, I always get money back, the Gov doesn't freak out unless you're the one who owes, but if they owe you, they don't freak out if late. 2. Car needs a oil change, for sure, although I'm lucky and only live about 4.5 miles from work, that really saves on fuel and wear and tear. 3. I need to re-sign the lease here, that has been a source of stress for the last month. Those are the 3 major things I need to knock out if I want to lower my stress levels, like long term behind the scenes type of stress.
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Post by Admin on May 16, 2023 10:59:19 GMT
Humans suck, human nature sucks, why, cause even though we have free will, we, most I should say, tend to still purposely chose to behave, act out in a way, that hurts others or another.
Cheating, lying, manipulating, conniving, killing, fighting, and on and on.
The prisons are only filled up with people who got caught, and or who's evil crossed the civil law line.
But there are so many other types of monsters who roam, who've yet to be caught, convicted and sentenced, and some, most, many, never will.
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Post by Admin on May 16, 2023 11:00:25 GMT
I will never succeed in this world cause I don't love and worship money.
You have to be ugly on the inside, to succeed in this money praising world.
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Post by Admin on May 16, 2023 11:03:58 GMT
When you love and worship money, you'll do anything to get it, hurt whomever you have to, lie, cheat, steal, manipulate and more.
The online internet world is filled with such types.
Is why you have cookies on your computer, is why these monsters constantly analyzing you, selling your info, 3rd party this, 3rd party that....all of them are beasts and monsters, every single last one of them.
It's why when, if, this nation crumbles, ahh never mind.
The wickedness of mankind is world wide, so even if America crumbled, there would still be wickedness everywhere else.
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Post by Admin on May 20, 2023 11:26:20 GMT
Sometimes I just don't know what to do with my life anymore.
I feel like an older person going on 23, that's good and bad.
Good, in that physically I do feel pretty healthy, bad, in that emotionally, and other physiological ways, I'm not 23 anymore.
And trying to get into a relationship at my age is way different than when in 20's, the main difference being sex drive.
When in my 20's, a woman didn't have to be a perfect match, she just had to be sexy...but when 50 plus, that changes, you change, how you evaluate another changes.
Lust drives a lot of relationships when younger, but when older, not so much.
When older, what you really want is love and trust, and someone that won't betray you, which makes finding another even harder.
I'm at the age where most men have already been divorced, have already raised their family, where as I've had none of that.
So in a odd spot when it comes to relationship building.
To be honest, I'd rather just win the lottery and not have to worry about any of it.
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Post by Admin on Jun 10, 2023 11:48:27 GMT
I have to work today....well, I don't have to do anything, but I'm scheduled to work today, and because I need the income, I will report to work as scheduled.
If I didn't need the income, I'd never ever report to this job...is that better put?
Anyways, after today, I'm off for 4 days in a row, is why I tolerate this job and the long days, as depressing as they can be.
Administrators, talk radio hosts, paper pushers, ect, have no idea what it's like to labor into older age.
It's why jerk offs like Mike Pence, former VP, and current candidate, think it's a good idea to raise the retirement age, cause people like him don't labor for a living, all they do is shuffle people, have meetings, write books, appear on radio and TV and get paid, and they get elaborate pensions...but he, they, don't dig ditches....big difference.
Anyways, ye, gotta do some driving today, down to Lakeland, FL and back.
Then when I get back, I'll be to exhausted to do anything, even though it's Saturday.
At my age, you really don't want to do much of anything...actually I take that back, it totally depends on who's in your life.
If you have fun people in your life, a large loving family, then sure, you always want to do something....but when alone, just going out into the night all by yourself, not really.
Maybe I need some Viagra, so I can pretend I'm 23 again, and prowl the streets as I would have when way younger.
Although for my age, I still look pretty young, but admittedly I'm not as horney as I used to be, and when not driven by lust, you're driven by cautious reluctance.
Anyways, I have a few more minutes before have to leave for work.
Think I'll go to the bathroom and read my bathroom book 'Killing the mob', by Bill O'Reilly.
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Post by Admin on Jun 12, 2023 13:06:24 GMT
As I layed in bed this morning, in and out of sleep, kept having a feeling of anticipation, as if something good was about to happen today.
Not sure why.
I really have nothing to be over joyed about, yet as I lay there in bed, in and out of sleep, I just kept feeling as if something good was going to happen today...hmm
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Post by Admin on Jun 27, 2023 9:15:16 GMT
Anyways, it's early morning, still dark out. Lot's occurring in the world around me, amazing how little of it affects me.
The only thing that effects me is my state of mind, as in being loved or not, and or having a sense of purpose or lack of.
I sit here, in this early morning moment, with no real purpose.
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Post by Admin on Jun 27, 2023 9:16:16 GMT
I've tried podcasting, YT vids, other video sites, blogging, this and that, and none of it sticks, it's like I'm just playing in a sandbox all by myself.
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Post by Admin on Jun 27, 2023 9:40:55 GMT
I'm on my own, time to lay back down, and into sleep again, while watching a movie...
'Sin eater', hmm, this should be interesting movie.
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Post by Admin on Jul 7, 2023 12:35:05 GMT
 How does life go from this, to the bs of today? So wish I could escape into the past again. |
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Post by Admin on Jul 18, 2023 10:07:39 GMT
 One of those mornings where I thought it was a day ahead of the day it actually is, and as such I thought I had to work today, even set alarm clock. But thank goodness to heaven it's only Tuesday instead of Wednesday, cause if I had to get up early and work today, talk about the emotional vomit feeling. Yes!, I don't have to work today, which means I can sleep in...yes baby! When get older, little things like this mean a lot...one day at a time, one moment at a time, is really all you got, unless filthy rich and don't have to report to no one. |
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Post by Admin on Jul 20, 2023 10:56:49 GMT
Today greeted me like a ugly monster, meaning how I felt when alarm woke me up.
I went to bed feeling OK, couldn't really fall asleep right away, but ye, when alarm finally woke me up this morning, I felt like I was being greeted by a monster, as in 'today'....as in how I physically felt.
Sometimes I think, know, different combo of food you eat before bed can affect how you feel, can affect your physiological wellbeing, or lack of.
And the older you get, the less forgiving your body becomes when you make a mistake.
-----------------------------------
That being said, today is here, and already feels like a wasteland to me, and I gotta get ready for work soon.
Is there any real hope anymore if one is older and failed to prepare for old age?
That's just my morning, just getting out of bed mood speaking right now.
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Post by Admin on Jul 23, 2023 11:33:34 GMT
Reading this blog forum is more interesting than some of the crap movies they're putting out these days.
I mean what's up with the poor acting skills these days?
Long ago, someone wrote once that acting was way better years ago cause years ago most actors came from the stage, broadway, had to work their way up, where as today, not sure where actors get their training, film school?
The trick to acting is to act without people knowing you're trying to act.
With today's actors, and their stale stiff deliveries of lines, you can tell they're acting, gross.
And I tried watching the new episode of the Twilight zone, 2020 version, gross, didn't even make it 3 minutes into first episode.
It's as if the cast was chosen by the Democrat party.
'Err, let's ust toss a bunch of different ethnic minorities in every scene, err, ye, err, duh, to prove that diversity exists'...wtf man.
I mean not even the same minorities, but like a urban B person and a Pakistani, and a Chinese, and a Arab, ect, how insulting, real life isn't like that.
at least have some racial continuity in the scenes.
The studios have no idea what people want, we haven't changed that much, we, the audience, still want reality based shows that tell a good story, and that cast believable people/characters into these stories.
Anyways, it's Sunday.
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Post by Admin on Aug 7, 2023 7:59:57 GMT
Can't sleep I can't sleep.I haven't had a drink in over 11 days, and so my energy level is higher than usual, which means my thoughts are more active, which means I can't sleep right now. Thinking about my future, what the heck am I going to do? It's not the 1970's anymore. I wish I had peaked back then. I wish I were born a few decades earlier.I think peaking in the 70's, or 80's would of been ideal, as in I wish I were in my 50's during the 70's, when things were cheap, life was more simple, people were more nice, for the most part. Or at least it seemed that way. I know getting old now, today and going forward, is just scary, if not fiscally set. And the generation coming up behind us, they're crazed monsters, with a whole different value system. On one side you have the urban types, who love guns and violence, then on the other side you have the 'woke' type, who seem to think older people are the villains. No one has depth anymore; social media has really made people shallow. Getting old in this age and era is scary when not rich.Why do you think the ranks of the homeless is rising so fast? Newly arriving illegal, yes, illegal border crosser are taking up all the housing, places, old timers used to could retreat to. The Cartels influence is becoming stronger in the U.S. The dollars about to collapse cause Biden spends to much, they all do, all of our politicians go to D.C. to line their pockets, all they do is money launder. How many billions has Ukraine sucked out of our system? Money that could of gone towards social security? It never stops, the rich are more welfare than the poor...but they, the rich, receive millions at a time, rather than a few hundred here and there. Anyways, I can't solve any of now, all I can do is lay down some thoughts to help drain my mind of thought energy.
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