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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 12:09:49 GMT
This is how I feel right now This is how I feel right now.
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Post by Admin on Oct 1, 2023 15:29:30 GMT
Stranded  Stranded, that's kind of how I feel right now, and is a glimpse of current reality.
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Post by Admin on Oct 3, 2023 2:03:14 GMT
In a lazy mood lately, it's as if just waiting for Putin or China to lob a nuclear bomb over here so we can just go ahead and begin the apocalypse...then I can just roam around like in the movie 'Last man on earth', and forage through grocery stores.
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Post by Admin on Oct 18, 2023 3:05:37 GMT
I feel really odd right now, as if not even alive.
I feel totally detached from my current reality, it all kind of seems like a misconstrued dream.
I can hardly watch movies anymore, I mean with all the streaming channels, and 1000's of movies, so few appeal to me, usually older movies I've already seen.
Nothing is going as I wanted it to, and the future seems scary to me right now.
I'm spending more money than I should on stuff, trying to do the right thing, but I've been alive long enough to know that doing that right thing matters not, unless surrounded by those who appreciate it, and or willing to help you when you fall.
I feel a bit lost right now, nothings coming together as planned, does it ever for anyone though?
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Post by Admin on Oct 29, 2023 15:32:54 GMT
Time to get up and out and go venture out into this dirty world.
Americans, actually, most people born and raised in the west, are spoiled as heck, and totally don't appreciate what we have.
Fat black folks who cry and scream racism, have no idea what it's like in Africa or Russia or China, as a black person.
Even if a black criminal, still have access to top medical care, grocery stores crammed with fresh produce (if don't ramshack the place and steal).
New cars, running water, heaven basically, yet if have the mindset of a thug, male or female, won't appreciate none of it and will simply tear it all down, until old, and then need to rely on the very services you stole from and broke when younger.
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Post by Admin on Oct 29, 2023 15:35:44 GMT
I suppose some would, could, blame 'Jews' for creating this vile rap industry, for financing these rappers, for being the head of all these labels that have poisoned the minds of this black generation.
But I won't, cause with freedom comes choices and decisions.
Jewish business men can produce whatever they want, but doesn't mean we, as 'B' folks have to consume it.
We're the dumb ones, not them.
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Post by Admin on Nov 2, 2023 2:27:26 GMT
Not gonna lie, tomorrow seems like hell to me. I have no use, zero use, for tomorrow. To me, tomorrow is a monster. Tomorrow will claim many victims, in many different ways. One day, tomorrow will even claim me, but what can I do about it? Nothing, other than write ahead of time about how much I dread tomorrows  |
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Post by Admin on Nov 4, 2023 3:29:48 GMT
Came home in a very grouchy mood Came home in a very grouchy mood, here's why... 1. Gotta catch a flight here soon, and wanted the day off before hand so could relax, and make sure stuff together...I hardly ever fly/travel, so this trip a big deal, and a bit nerve racking...but no, couldn't get anyone to fill in, even though offered 100 bucks of my own money. After that, my mood just fell apart, I began cursing the world, cursing jobs, employment, the whole Western way of life, greed, big industry, all of it! I mean most of these labor jobs, be it driving, or construction ect, you sacrifice for more of your body than you get back in pay!I mean who decides how much your life energy, by the hour, is worth? 20, 30, 40, 100 dollars an hours? We all have a limited time to be productive here on earth, so to me, all my time is valuable, and feel like I'm always underpaid, cause big industry will go on without you, me or us.I was cursing the world, but in the end, I realize the only person I can really blame or curse is myself, cause I put myself in this situation, not so much the world. It's my decisions that got here in this crummy spot in life, not the world. But still, it's more fun to blame the world... 
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Post by Admin on Nov 4, 2023 13:44:08 GMT
⬆️⬆️⬆️ continued from above
Well, turns out I don't have to work after all today, I guess someone heard my appeal, and when I woke up and looked at the schedule, well, I'm 'off', which gives me more time to prepare for tomorrows long trip, flight and journey...and I need it, cause my nerves are very unsettled right now, more so than I ever thought they would be.
I mean all I'm doing is catching a dern flight across the nation, something millions of people do every year, so not sure why I feel so unnerved by it, this trip.
Maybe here are some reason (self analyst)
1. Doing so alone?
2. I no longer trust 'man', therefore I no longer trust flying or machines anymore?
3. I'm going to a place I was raised, sure, but haven't been there in maybe 2 decades?
And I realize places change, so even though grew up there, I'll be going back there a stranger, to a more rural area.
4. Social media has turned people into monsters, I have that fear to, in that in the olden days people got to know you first, whereas now, you're judged by what they've already seen on YT or social media.
I don't know, I guess I'm just not the adventurous type I used to be, not to mention this trip will put a strain on my limited finances.
I guess I'm turning into a 'wus'..
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I've become a creature of routine, I suppose, I live within my own comfort zone, as many of us do, and this trip will take me over 1000 miles + outside of that comfort zone, where I will once again be a physical minority.
Going through life alone, doing things alone, is just scary, makes things scarier, as you get older.
Oh well, it's only a 7 day trip, assuming I even make it back.
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Post by Admin on Nov 4, 2023 13:53:26 GMT
I realize now what a 'nothing burger' I am to God and the UniverseI've never felt so small and irrelevant in my life as I do now, or these last few months. I'm nothing, a spore adrift in the wind. 
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Post by Admin on Nov 4, 2023 14:23:43 GMT
I think I'm more afraid of the world now, than I was when I was way younger
I'm more afraid of the world now, of people, than I was when I was way younger.
I wonder if other people are like that to?
I think maybe cause when younger (depending on where and how raised) we just assume everyone and everything is good, but of course, depending on path through life, that view of others/the world, can become jaded after a while.
I guess it's different for everyone, cause no two people walk the same path through life.
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Post by Admin on Dec 19, 2023 2:02:53 GMT
Not sure what mood I'm in, drinking has a lot to do with it.
Body aches, one of my eyes is red, just not having a good time of it right now.
Oh well, still here, not sure why.
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Post by Admin on Dec 31, 2023 15:28:20 GMT
Every time I hear in the news that some young adult ____ male has been shot, I think to myself
1. Good, one less person to annoy others
2. I hope it's my _______s.
3. I hope it's the guy who plays the deep bass in car while driving around.
But I never get sad anymore, that's for sure.
I read where the worlds population grew by like 175 million, or 75 million, either way, more folks coming into this world than leaving it, even with all the wars, covid, famine, cancer, heart disease, gang violence, mass shootings, and more, you still have more people coming into this world than leaving it...wow.
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Post by Admin on Dec 31, 2023 15:32:47 GMT
Wish I could get one of these and just escape out into nowhere
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Post by Admin on Jan 24, 2024 12:49:22 GMT
Gravity You never quite know where a person is, mentally, until you study their art, or at least where they are in that moment.
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