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Post by Admin on Dec 31, 2022 17:27:29 GMT
Moods, 50 +  Moods, 50 +
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Post by Admin on Dec 31, 2022 17:28:14 GMT
Sometimes I wonder if moods, when over the age of 50, can be and or are actually at times, driven by internal chemical changes to ones body.
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Post by Admin on Jan 11, 2023 2:32:38 GMT
Not sure if I want fame anymore.
It's like when I'm drinking or drunk, I'm one thing, but then when sober I'm another.
About to start another radio show in the Seattle area, but it's only on once a week, and now that sober, I don't know, do I really want this again?
I mean this idea that I can make a difference, a impact, am I just fooling myself?
I'm old enough to know you can't impress others, and if others choose to be impressed with you, it's for reasons you'll never really figure out.
But in the mean time, should I just give up on it all and just focus on myself going forward and 'dm be the world', the way the world has kind of damned me?
I don't know, my moods are just so varied.
And radio isn't free or cheap, so I'd be paying for the air time out of pocket until and if got sponsors, but I've tried the sponsor thing before and failed.
Maybe cause I just didn't do it right, wasn't aggressive enough, I don't know.
But at my age do I need to be spending money chasing dreams still?
But if I don't I'll get bored.
I mean with the money I have saved, I could go ahead and get a decent used car, which would be much improvment for what I have now.
But having a better ride will do what for me?
I don't go anywhere as it is.
2023 is going to be a odd year, I can already tell, for myself and for the world, it's going to be a odd year.
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Post by Admin on Jan 11, 2023 2:34:37 GMT
Also, I have no medical insurance, even though a Vet, but I just never utilize anything.
Maybe I should start.
I don't know, just in a odd mood as of late.
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Post by Admin on Jan 11, 2023 3:18:33 GMT
Right now, I don't want to do nothing but sit still in the dark, by this space heater, and just think, zone out, while maybe finding another sci-fi movie to watch.
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Post by Admin on Jan 11, 2023 9:47:18 GMT
I'm older now, and really just want to be left alone.
I have no more value to anyone, other than my employer and or those I pay bills to.
And you'll always have value to a bill collector until your debts are paid...smirk out loud.
But me, I'll be dead before I pay back any bill collector.
Going forward, all the money I earn has to go forward, not backwards.
Paying off bills is for when you're in your 20's or 30's, after that, to me, it's a waste of resources.
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Post by Admin on Feb 1, 2023 7:12:03 GMT
Odd mood as of late. Hard to explain, I feel 'OK' though, as if just letting a lot of stuff flow out of me, stress, anxiety. I'm trying to go 'dry' again, of course until you go a whole week without any booze, or beer, it's just talk. That aside, my mood is, is, I don't know. I'm happier than I should be.  |
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Post by Admin on May 12, 2023 18:07:36 GMT
Where I live, they just keep building stuff, knocking down trees, forests, to put up apartments, stores, this and that, driving the price of living up.
I don't like all this prosperity crap, more traffic, more traffic lights, more noise, more people.
Everywhere I go that just seems to be occurring, and I don't get a dime of any of the so called prosperity it brings in.
I still have to pay my own high rent, period.
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Post by Admin on May 29, 2023 17:10:17 GMT
Where do I go from here?
What makes me happy anymore?
I thought I met someone, almost had them move in, until they slipped up last night while on the phone.
It's not so much them as it is the company they keep.
What a disappointment...a bit bummed out now.
Tired of being alone, but not to the point where I'm willing to be reckless with my future.
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Post by Admin on May 31, 2023 0:25:15 GMT
I've been avoiding my email and had phone turned off since Sunday night, cowardly of me, I know, but when alone and have no one to confide in, sometimes emotionally easier to just put head in the sand.
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Post by Admin on May 31, 2023 1:06:45 GMT
Ye, I told station my shows air on, that I'm wrapping up show, and it makes me nervous to see their response, cause it's like finality, and finality can be scary at times, especially when it comes to something ending that you have so much passion for.
So often, I feel by ignoring, than the problem or that particular reality will just go away, vanish, like when a muffin and would hide under the blankets.
But sadly, when an adult, just pulling the sheets over your head doesn't make issues go away.
And there is no mom or Dad or Uncle or Sister or older brother to come into the room and say 'Everything will be OK'.
There's none of that, all there is is you and whatever reality is before you.
Anyone can be strong when have a team around them, but few know what it's like to be or have to be emotionally strong for self when not so much as a pet dog you can confide in...it can be scary, especially as you age, get older, and have less and less value to society.
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Post by Admin on Jun 11, 2023 3:38:11 GMT
And why the F does everyone have to drive their cars everywhere??!! I'm only on the road when working, but when on the road, 1000's of cars driving in all directions. The same amount of cars going east as are going west as are going north as are going south...how about stay the f home and stop wasting so much gas!! Why the F do people feel they most always drive and move around so much?? That's what the telephone is for, or video chat, ect. Stay the F home, for crying out loud and stop using up the worlds resources by driving so gdm much. 
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Post by Admin on Jun 11, 2023 3:39:24 GMT
Maybe I should turn to the 'dark side' and become a leftist, since they seem to be winning.
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Post by Admin on Jun 11, 2023 3:43:23 GMT
I lost my cell phone, and so in a grouchy mood right now, had security cameras set up on it, now they're useless if can't access them on the phone.
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Post by Admin on Jul 4, 2023 1:21:58 GMT
I think my God is 'Death', as such, what leverage does any company, or human or man have over me? 
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