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Post by Admin on May 29, 2022 1:39:42 GMT
And seems as males, unless rich, the older you get, the less people take you seriously, society that is, especially if a male of color.
When young, and a male of color, at least society fears you, thus you kind of get more respect, but when older, and a male of color or black, and not rich, seems society just kind of brushes you aside, like they do with older White males now.
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Post by Admin on May 29, 2022 1:41:29 GMT
I just don't see a good pleasant end game anymore...not sure what keeps me going, small projects I guess, always keep self busy with small projects, still convincing self that one day one will come through for me, like I keep telling myself that fairytale just to keep moral up.
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Post by Admin on Jun 4, 2022 16:17:19 GMT
The Knockers
Not so much now, or as of late, but years ago would always be awakened by the sound of something either knocking on the door or wall.
Not sure what it was, but doubt it was human.
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Post by Admin on Jun 14, 2022 0:26:54 GMT
Silent photo album
Silent photo album of various places.
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Post by Admin on Jun 14, 2022 17:20:45 GMT
What if you're being followed around by a grasshopper, what does that mean?
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Post by Admin on Jun 18, 2022 18:17:36 GMT
I 'hate' your common every day low class cashier type of female, that if you look good and stand out, instead of just complimenting you, they'll either turn their head the other way or finish transaction without saying 'thank you'.. If ever made ruler of a society, women like that would be expelled into the ocean for the sharks to eat.  |
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Post by Admin on Jun 23, 2022 3:37:09 GMT
Feel like I'm in that Hypercube movie, here's why  In the sci-fi movie 'Hypercube', a group of people wake up inside of some kind of cube complex, one large cube made up of many smaller ones, like the rubics cube. And each cube has like it's own interdimensional reality. Bottom line to all the Cube movies is that if you didn't keep on moving, time would catch you. Hard to explain unless you've watched the movies. Well I often compare real life to that cube, mainly the second one 'Hypercube', in that if stayed in one cube to long, the room would begin to dissolve, evaporate, melt into infinity. And so I feel like I'm inside that large cube complex, and I've stayed to long in one spot, metaphorically speaking, but also in real life, it's like I've just literally stayed in one spot to long, and as such a lot of my enthusiasm for stuff has just stalled. But in the movie, if didn't keep moving, that meant doom, and in real life, maybe it does as well, but doom can come in many different forms. I use to always say 'If you stand still to long, hell will catch you'. Not sure if what's happening to me is that extreme, but boredom can indeed be hell like. And lately I've just been really bored, feel really flat on the inside, but like in the movie I go from cube room to another, or phase in life, and each cube interior presents a unique challenge, but when that challenge is met, you have to move on or like in the movie, your space will begin to dissolve. Is my space beginning to dissolve? I don't know, and if so, what can I do about it?
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Post by Admin on Jun 26, 2022 23:30:54 GMT
The thing about me is I get home, turn off the media, and then I get so mellow and lose all my drive  When I'm at work, doing what I dislike, my mind is active, and I build a list of things I'm going to do in my mind, as soon as off work. Then I get home and I just seem to lose all my drive. It's almost like being agitated is what gives us, or at least me, motivation and fuel to 'fight', but when not agitated and in a nice comfortable quiet environment, I just melt into inactivity and don't feel like doing a thing, other than miner little small stuff, but nothing life changing. I mean sure, I'm working on behind the scene projects to one day generate myself passive income, but aside from that, when home, just don't feel like doing anything...and I know one day that will come back to haunt me.
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Post by Admin on Jun 27, 2022 2:50:46 GMT
I see people doing all sorts of things to one another, as in adult sites, and sure, we've been conditioned to see much of it as 'immoral', but when I see them going at it in these videos, I'm like immoral or not, they're having more fun than I am at the moment, and probably feel better about themselves also, cause at least they feel wanted and desired by others or another, they're getting attention.
And by me being proper and square, what am I getting?.....nothing.
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Post by Admin on Jun 29, 2022 2:31:49 GMT
Most women, all my life, have been mean to me, unfriendly, so now, I don't care about gender, I just care about the heart and soul beneath the gender or flesh
If I ever met, in real life, a person whom I thought wasn't just cute, but also nice and receptive to me, I'd marry them, regardless of their gender.
Women are over rated, have spent whole life trying to be the perfect 'man', and for what?
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Post by Admin on Jul 4, 2022 23:39:53 GMT
If I suddenly 'make it', on the entertainment side, I'll have no one to thank, cause no one supported me.
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Post by Admin on Jul 6, 2022 17:20:42 GMT
I feel like my world has just stopped.
Haven't much to say right now, just a combination of nothing ever going right, no one ever living up to their word, and me always getting my hopes up for nothing, then add drinking to that, and well you just get a yukky feeling type of mood.
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Post by Admin on Jul 14, 2022 2:10:01 GMT
Well, tomorrows closing in on me quickly...
So bored earlier, and now would give anything to be bored, have all that time, and not have to work...instead of now, late at night when time seems to fly cause you have to work the next day and presume the role of a nobody to self...and others...just a mindless worker with no ambitions outside of labor...gross.
But until you can earn passive income, you gotta do what you gotta do.
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Post by Admin on Jul 17, 2022 23:50:56 GMT
Time or information capsules The optimistic muffin in me still makes me, from time to time, get a glass bottle and put personal stuff in it, like my personal business cards, ect, maybe some change, as in money, and or other silly items, and seal it and toss it into the water way, and just late time and fate land it in another's hand one day in the future. Actually, that's something I should do more of, cause I've heard of people doing that, and bottle then drifting all the way across the ocean and some one discovering it...can you imagine the publicity I'd get if that occurred? Then could really sell some books. 
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Post by Admin on Jul 19, 2022 17:50:47 GMT
Sooner or later you get to point in your life where it's time to 'wake up' and be you. Sooner or later, most eventually get to a point in their life where it's time to wake up and just be 'you'. And you begin to realize you don't need anyone else's permission to 'be' or to succeed, or even to try to succeed, you begin to realize all you need is 'you'. You don't need other peoples approval, validation, Ok's, any of it, you soon begin to realize all you need to do is wake up and be 'you', and everything else will fall into place.
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