50+ blog, journal and thoughts

Also, as I age, I realize it's pointless trying to explain yourself or action to anyone who doesn't Love you and care about your progression in life.

Back when hip hop made people relax

Wore out

I tell ya what, there's gym fitness, work fitness, and then there's stay at home and clean up your own place fitness.

And seems the clean at home fitness gives your body the most workout.

It makes me feel utterly exhausted when cleaning up at home, no weights, no running, just little stuff over and over again, repetitive stuff.

That's what seems to wear you out the most, or at least me.

Maybe I'm just not in the shape I thought I was in, but then again I have to remind self that I'm not 19 anymore.

When older and single, you always tend to think you're still 19, cause you're single and don't have anyone else to measure yourself by.

It's true, as you age, you never feel old as you look.

I know that now, old people don't really feel old on the inside, they may act old, just to get respect, but when alone, they, we, act whatever age we want.

Anyways, more tasks to do.

I had the day off, but got to work tomorrow, that type of schedule really messes with your vibe.

I'm sober right now, but it sure feels sucky.

It's about time to shutter down for the night.

It's been an interesting 5 days off, of course I could use the rest of my life off, from having to report to work that is.

Lot's of negative stuff in the news, online, on TV, it's gross.

When I'm off, I tend to just shut most of it off by not looking at it or hearing it on the radio, and amazing how peaceful life becomes.

But tomorrow I have to hit it again, 3 long days in a row.

And while driving, I listen to the radio constantly to help pass the time, and that's when I start hearing all the negative stuff again.

When I drive on my job, I don't listen to music, if so, in short spurts, my mind is to complex for music anymore.

Oh well, it's about time for bed, darn it.

I'm changing

I'm changing, so what, we all change right?

Yes, we all change, I suppose, but still doesn't mean it shouldn't be noted and written about.

I don't know if I'm changing or going back to how I use to be long ago, or evolving into a new conscious.

I don't think none of us can ever go back to the innocence we were when younger.

Even as I type this out, my thoughts are all over the place which prevents me from being cohesive in what I share.

long pause (I got that from a old friend named 'Ricky S', I remember long ago, years before email, he wrote me a handwritten letter, and in the letter between paragraphs, he wrote 'Long pause', it was an emotional letter, forget the details of it, but always remember that 'long pause', that he wrote between paragraphs.

Anyways, I just know I'm changing.

And I don't drink anymore, and have no desire to at all.

Also, in a bit of pain and discomfort right now on the left side of my upper body, as in the muscles in my shoulder blade area. I think it's micro parasites or something cause I see bite marks, as if got bitten by a vampire or something.

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Just in a weird mood right now, I looked up at the mirror above my bed and looked way younger than I really am, I looked like I was in my 20's, but maybe cause I'm wearing a _____, and or the lighting.

But it was odd to see myself looking like that, as if in another body or something.

I have weird skin tone, in some lighting i look like I should already be dead, yet in other lighting I could almost pass still for college years.

Sunlight makes me look the worst, for some reason.

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Sorry, I just can't focus, all over the map with my thoughts.