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Post by Admin on Apr 1, 2022 2:12:05 GMT
Post work thoughts  Post work thoughts.
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Post by Admin on Apr 1, 2022 2:14:47 GMT
That zone your in, mentally, when just get home, not much time to get into anything cause you have to work the next day, and so just zone out a bit.
That post work zone you're in.
Unless have family or lover or pets to come home to, when you have something to come home to, they, the living, usually snap you out of that post work mental mode pretty quickly.
But when come home to empty place, I just tend to zone out and write, as a substitute for not having anyone there to dumb thoughts unto, or jump in bed with, or listen to.
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Post by Admin on Apr 1, 2022 2:17:27 GMT
I can only imagine what it's like for some one who's married and has a spouse and muffins, and then coming home and as soon as you open front door, you're theirs.
No time to reflect on your own day, as soon as door opens, your muffins run up to you to be greeted, your wife or husband immedietly greet you, tell you stuff, ect ect.
I can only imagine what that's like, I'd like to think that it's a good feeling, and would help you not dwell on negative things so much.
I use to really want that but it just seemed to never have happened, so I write instead.
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Post by Admin on Apr 30, 2022 1:39:53 GMT
I just want to go to bed now, but the nights pretty young, if I go to bed now, I'll wake up at 2 am, and won't be able to fall back asleep until really have to get up, then will feel extra drowsy.
Not only that, but when I go to bed to early, body gets sore when laying in same position to long.
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Post by Admin on May 15, 2022 2:09:56 GMT
Just got in about an hour ago from job
It's Saturday night, just got in about an hour ago from job, have the next few days off, how do I feel? Like crap.
Physically I don't feel optimal, combating some muscles pain, still.
Thought I had it under control, but drank last week, and probably got a bit sloppy with the diet.
Alcohol and bad diet is what dooms me.
Maybe even bad diet even more....what I mean by that is this.
When I'm off work for a string of days, whether I drink or not, I end up feeling pretty good when return to work.
When home, I eat very healthy, not a lot, but healthy, and natural, I cook my own food for the most part, or make my own salad ect.
It's when I'm out there at work, driving around, and stopping at travel centers, and other corner stores, and buying and eating that stuff, is when my issues always seem to begin.
Pathogens or something in the food. Undercooked food, bacteria in the food, chemicals in the food ect.
Whatever caused me muscle pain seems to be triggered by whatever food manufactuarers put in the food, the ingredients.
Whatever it is, I've got to stop eating 'out there', even if it means going hungry, or forcing self to make lunch ahead of time from natural stuff I prepare myself.
Cause as you age, your mood is greatly effected by how your body feels, by your health, and if in pain, you feel drained.
And if feel drained all the time, your moral drops.
I few weeks ago I felt great, body was cleansed, I was nailing it, felt 20 years younger, but then I messed up.
I'll be more careful this time, cause now I've experienced what it's like to be above the age of 50, yet feel as good physically as i did when 20, I will find that place again.
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Post by Admin on Jul 1, 2022 1:17:01 GMT
Feel like I just escaped from a slave camp or something  Feel like I just escaped from a slave camp or something, which in reality was my job and the very long day I had there. Driving, labor, more driving type of stuff, it just takes a toll after a while on your mind and body to be engaged in such mindless mundane activity for such a long period of time. I hate it. And I think this idea that's been pushed into our heads as a society that 'work is good'...oh ye, for who? That's some propaganda stuff pushed by the press of big corporations...they needed cheap labor, so of course the brainwash the masses into seeing work as a virtue. Sure, work is fine when younger, to teach discipline, but as you age, work?....blah! Anyways, I'm off now, have tomorrow off, thank goodness. And yes that's me in above pic, I took it a while ago though and kind of changed the texture of the hair, but the body and chains are real.
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Post by Admin on Jul 16, 2022 2:14:14 GMT
A bit more agitated coming in today than I was yesterday, probably cause today was the 2nd of 3 days I have to work, yesterday was the first, so was just probably more refreshed.
Also, I plan on doing some public protesting or more like promoting soon, to promote a book a wrote since no one else will, or can do like I can in person.
Life is not fair, not for humans animals or insects.
If you don't prioritize self, who else will?
If not, you just live, die, and get flushed down the eternal toilet.
Just at a point now where I realize I have nothing else to really lose, I've tried doing it the proper way...ye OK...endless voice messages ect.
Just not willing to spend what's left of my somewhat healthy, decent looking years, as a no body, while others younger than me get propelled to the top simple cause 'they're cute', or a female or ect.
I'm to forever and always root for others?...why?
Screw that.
It's my turn soon.
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Post by Admin on Jul 17, 2022 1:33:04 GMT
Home now and off for a few days, now what?
Was tempted to buy some beer on the way home, but I've been down that road way to many times before.
You drink, get buzzed, then drink some more, then lose motivation and do nothing the following day.
This time I said, 'Nah', even though there's beer already hear, about 6 cans...but am not drinking.
You see, here's the deal, had I bought another 4 pack on the way home, that would of been me telling self that it's OK to drink, but since I didn't, the beer that's already here will remain untouched...I know that doesn't make sense to someone reading this, but it does to me.
So the beer that's already here will remain untouched, as it has for the last 3 days, and hopefully tomorrow I'll get rid of them, just drop them off on the street corner for some homeless or begger type to chance upon.
But ye, home now, and mind is a bit blank until I settle in.
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Post by Admin on Aug 21, 2022 0:25:26 GMT
Just got home from work, what a deadening environment...people are just small to me, so many lack personalities.
When I was in school, it just seemed everyone had a personality, but now, seems unless in show biz, so many common people just seem to lack personality.
Younger people most certainly don't have personalities, and specifically younger B folks, as in gen Z.
working around folks who lack a personality just makes for a very long dull work day, even though I spend most of it driving around.
--------------------
Anyways, home now, I don't write as much lately, since so wrapped up in radio show I now produce, that takes the majority of my time.
It's a pre-recorded show, and only 1 hour a week, but that one hour of show prep, wow, can take days.
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Post by Admin on Sept 3, 2022 1:15:00 GMT
I need a new job.
I mean I really love my 3 day, 4 off, work schedule, but I don't know, the days are long, and I feel terrible when I get off work.
It's a lonely driving job, you're never around anyone, and the jobs just rubbing me the wrong way as of late.
But what else am I going to do?
I mean at my age, no ones going to invest time training you at anything.
I think I'll scan craigslist.
I just wish i could find another job with a part time schedule, yet full time pay.
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Post by Admin on Sept 3, 2022 1:41:55 GMT
Can't believe there are still labor jobs that pay like 12-15 dollars an hour...wow.
Could work full time with that pay, and still not be able to rent an apartment by ones self, would have to have a roommate for sure or one would have to work two jobs...but what kind of a life would tht be.
There should be more to life than just living for a income to pay bills, to always still be broke.
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Post by Admin on Sept 17, 2022 2:09:55 GMT
Just got in and real semi rotten, as far as over all mood and just outlook.
I think it has to do more with the effects of drinking lots of beer, having fun online, and doing other inhouse stuff the day before going to work.
And also, when get drunk, you say stuff, email stuff in the drunk of the moment, but when have to go to work the next day, you didn't get the chance to resolve 'it'.
And i got to work tomorrow as well.
My work days are so long that when I work, and because I'm driving when I work, all social life just stops.
And I don't talk on the phone when I drive, nor do I text or any of that cause it's to distracting, not only that but newer trucks have cameras inside of them.
Anyways, I'm home now, and as usual I just don't like feeling so down and out when I get off from work.
I want a job that when I get off from work, and get home, I feel good and triumphant, not sad and emotionally dissolved..
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Post by Admin on Sept 18, 2022 1:09:53 GMT
Finally off for a few days, I feel like singing that one song, any version of it 'The wicked witch is dead/gone'...from the wizard of oz.
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Post by Admin on Nov 11, 2022 3:56:26 GMT
yep, I worked today, had to drive, and drove through some of that storm, Nicole.
Then came home, laid in bed and whatever, then got up, sat up, and wrote a bit, made lunch for tomorrow, did a few things on the 'to do list', and now I'm here typing this.
Hard for me to get into anything deep when know have to work the next day.
Life is so different when older, single, and not in love, it's just different, when single, you may as well still be in high school.
It's been so long since I've been in a relationship, so so long.
But I think when loved by the opposite sex, life just seems more thrilling, even when older, I guess, I wouldn't know.
I do know when younger, life felt more fun the few times I was in a relationship, but seems nothing ever stuck.
Proposed to a woman only once in my life, 'Leah Andrews', a gal from Tacoma, WA, we met while in Sedro-Wooley Job Corps, oh so many years ago in the 90's.
boy how time fly's.
Anyways, I relax by writing (I think that's the first time I've mention her name or wrote it down, in over a decade or more)
Yep, anyways, not much going on this evening, so will wind it down here soon.
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Post by Admin on Nov 24, 2022 3:07:55 GMT
Worked today, off tomorrow, but since getting home from work, I'm just spacing off.
It just takes a while to unsettle the mind I suppose.
And last time I was off, Tuesday, I was drinking beer and on a beer high, fast forward a day of work, and now off again, I just feel 'void' right now, Tuesday seems so far a way now, like a dream.
Tomorrow's T day, I'll be spending it alone, no matter, I always do.
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