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Post by Admin on Jul 20, 2023 11:03:33 GMT
I think the bottom line, when older and alone, is to look out for yourself, as in your own mental and physical health, even if it means going back one something you said you'd do earlier, cause the bottom line is this, if you get injured or fall ill, even while trying to help someone else, you're still alone, and no one will care.
For most of us, real life isn't like a TV episode, as in on TV you do what's right, and then instantly rewarded for it, or at least before episode ends.
But in real life you can do what's right, and still get smeared for it.
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Post by Admin on Jul 22, 2023 1:53:54 GMT
I don't feel like I'm going to win anymore, but still must champion on for whatever
I feel if I were going to win in life, I'd of won long ago.
I feel now, all I'm doing, is eating table scraps.
I have now seen the full picture, lives of people I've known when young to now that old, and there really is no good ending for anyone.
All you can do is try to wrap things up emotionally, so that when someone you care for does pass, you're not forever haunted by what you didn't do, when you could of done it.
I have to do what's right for me, cause I want to, not cause I think God or anyone else wants me to, that's no good.
If doing something for god, than that means you really don't want to do it yourself.
As such, have to take the fiscal punishment that comes with doing what is right, and not being rich....oh well.
Cause if someone you love dies, and you didn't take a trip to see them, how could I live with that?
$1,500.00, what's that? When the one you love is no longer around to comfort you?
I need to take a trip to go see someone and help them, while I can.
Life is just not fair for most, but so what.
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Post by Admin on Aug 2, 2023 21:29:48 GMT
Yep, it's Wednesday  It's Wednesday and I've gone a bit over 7 days without a drink.How do I feel? I feel pretty good actually, a tone of energy, but still not 100% of health is back. Last week I was down, my health took a dive, probably some kind of infection, related to drinking multiple days in a row earlier, in that drinking weakens your immune system, and at my age, all it takes is one chink in the armor and well. Some of my joints, or the nerves in or around them were inflamed, to the point could barely left my left leg up, if laying down. So I took action and simply became 'Dr Self', and did what I had to do to get myself right again. I can't afford to get sick or fall ill, cause I have no one to take care of me if things go south. And I need to go ahead and finish registering with the VA hospital, something I should of done a decade ago, but I never go to the doctor so just kept putting it off, but one day, I'm sure I'll need medical care, so I better sign up now, while I can. It's just the paperwork stuff that so annoys me. Also, paid rent today, yuk, and some other stuff that needed fiscal attention. Took care of some LLC stuff. The people at legal zoom are like salespeople, so be careful what they offer you or try to scare you with by saying you need, cause they get paid on Commision, I suspect. ------------------------------ For a while there was tempted to buy some beer, cause feeling so good, but talked self out of it. Addiction is like that, the minute you feel better you convince yourself 'Oh, I can handle a few beers'...then feel like crap the next day, mentally for giving in and physically do to the effects of alcohol on body. Anyways, since have so much energy, I'm aggressively attacking the 'to do list', and have more stuff to do and scratch off. Sadly for me, I work tomorrow, but have been off for like 5 days...yes! I could use another 5 days off to be honest...later and out.
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Post by Admin on Aug 12, 2023 3:03:35 GMT
Odd, when I switch to privacy browser, views go way down....but do so at times do to a few disqusting ads.
But what that tells me is probably the bulk of views I get are simply from 'ad types', who just want to see what's being discussed, so can run appropriate ad.
Oh well, what do I care, this is more of a journal for me than anything else.
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Post by Admin on Aug 12, 2023 3:05:29 GMT
Getting older is no fun, if not rich, and or if alone.
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Post by Admin on Aug 12, 2023 3:13:52 GMT
If I matter not to the world, other than what money I can spend, than the world,. I guess, just doesn't matter much to me, anymore.
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Post by Admin on Aug 14, 2023 22:37:46 GMT
I'm not having nearly as much fun on social media anymore.
Nor am I into it all that much anymore.
I don't care about websites, forums, social sites, none of it matters to me at the moment, it just all seems distant and deadening to me.
I realize now that the best voices, smartest and most reasonable people, don't allows get seen or heard.
Everythings controlled now.
It's like Hollywood now, in that if not in favor with the gate keepers, you're not going to be allowed to be heard.
Social media was originally created to by-pass that old guard system, but now social media is the new gatekeepers to all...
They, the powers that be, no longer want to hear our voices, or our opinions, or even to talk back and forth, no, all they want is for us to comment on what the 'experts' say, so they can then data mine our info.
You may be 50, yet the expert you're suppose to yield to is all but 26...
Anyways, I'm just done with it all, none of it matter anymore. They're not going to let you be a 'star' unless you're properly connected.
The good ole days of social media have long since left us.
Now, we're just typing to ourselves, like a pacifier.
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Post by Admin on Aug 14, 2023 23:50:21 GMT
Here's the thing, things online can't bug you if you stop being online.
Annoying adds can't bug you, if adware can't find you if you're not online.
I'm thinking about undoing all of my google email, although that would create many issues, in that I have videos posted on YT connected to google.
If I close down gmail, so goes the YT account it's associated with, so goes years of memorable videos.
Not that anyone would care, but I would.
And YT is basically the only video hosting site where videos actually appear in video format on a variety of platforms, every other video site, when you share your video, it only appears as a link, which means people are way less likely to play the video.
But still, that being said, there's a part of me that just wants to erase myself from the internet all together.
The internet no longer serves me.
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Post by Admin on Aug 18, 2023 4:01:22 GMT
Right now I feel a bit 'lost' or 'void'.
Or maybe a bit detached from whom I usually am to self?
Not sure how to describe it.
I got drunk last night, and then told my mother to have my older brother to call me, but today, now that sober, I think they did try to call, and you know what, I don't want to talk to them.
It's a long story.
When you reach out first, then someone calls you, that means had you not reached out, they never would have.
So what the f do they get credit for?
Anyways, that's for another post somewhere else.
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Post by Admin on Aug 20, 2023 22:10:14 GMT
Sometimes, in many ways, I feel I've grown smaller over the years, and not larger.
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Post by Admin on Aug 20, 2023 22:11:57 GMT
My body deserves so much better than me.
Why do I torture myself, my body, with alcohol/beer?
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Post by Admin on Aug 20, 2023 22:44:01 GMT
When you've done nothing, for so long, when you finally decide to act, it feels odd, like it's not even you doing so.
Referring to maybe a situation in your life, and or trying to change it, or things, for the better.
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Post by Admin on Aug 22, 2023 19:21:37 GMT
Happiness is such a fragile thing, the things that make us happy and content, that thread, it's so thin.
And when that thread is disturbed, it can really create ripples in your sense of well being.
Whether it's moving to a new place, losing a job, losing a friend, someone passing away, getting sued, and ect.
Everyone has their own thin thread or veil of happiness, and when disturbed, it can be very disruptive to ones overall sense of well being.
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Post by Admin on Aug 22, 2023 19:22:46 GMT
My happiness has been me living in the same place for around a decade, and it being quiet here, and me being left alone, for the most part.
But I can't stay here forever, but what's out there does kind of scare me.
The world has changed and there's monsters living amongst us.
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Post by Admin on Aug 23, 2023 13:54:24 GMT
I'm realizing now that peace and calm is worth millions of dollars, wherever you can find or obtain it.
So even if fiscally poor, but able to live a peaceful calm life, that's a million dollar gift.
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