Monday is here

Not having a good Monday at all, not a constructive one at all



Not having a good Monday at all.
I feel rotten on the inside, a bit ashamed actually, for things I spoke or texted yesterday while on the phone with someone.
I was drunk, and my emotions got out of hand.
Liquor, always just brings the worst out of me, like a different spirit just emerges.

And then the next day, like today, I feel rotten about what I wrote, said or texted.

Seems everything in my life is on the decline, my vehicles, my enthusiasm for my job, my social life, my hope, dreams and aspirations, it's all in decline, or so it seems.

Anyways, sometimes writing about it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
What really helps is simply to stay preoccupied with small stuff, anything to get your mind off of current reality.

It's Monday



It's Monday, I'm off, and I'm chillen and trying to heal.
They wanted or asked if I wouldn't mind coming in today, on my day off, and I said 'screw that'.
I've given enough of my life to the industry I'm in and career wise have gotten nothing in return except a empty hollowed out life.

That aside, I'm off and enjoying every minute, second of it, of just being free, free to live without being under another's command.

Employment is so overrated, you realize this more as you age.
As you age, you're like 'wait, I've worked all my life and still pretty much impoverished?'
And then what money you do have, the minute you fall ill, it's gone.

Anyways, as I age, it's time, it's time that becomes like money to me.

It's Monday, and I'm still here...wow.

It's Monday



It's Monday, and I feel as ill equipped to deal with the world today, as I did yesterday and last week.
I just don't have much to motivate me anymore.
And even if I get my life right, the Biden admin gets other things wrong that effect my long term well being and peace of mind.

That aside, my mind, brain, just feels scrambled right now, and unable to focus on anything that matters.

I'm more like 50 + going on 17 again.
At least back then I had hope that things could and would get better, now, not sure what I have, in as far as the future goes.

That aside, it's Monday, another day for the world to beat me up.

Monday is here, and I feel stranded within my own circumstances



It's Monday, and I feel defeated already, and still lingering around in bed.
Everything seems uphill to me right now...yes, it's all in the mind, but the mind is everything.

That aside, I need to get on with the day, whether I fail or succeed is up to fate, not really me, but fate.

Scared Monday



It's Monday and I feel scared, scared of everything, including myself, and or my ability to handle pressure and fear put upon me by life.

Also, fridge not working right, which means I have to call maintenance people, which means..

1. I have to get dressed and groom (yuk)

2. I have to clean the kitchen

3. I have to clean the front room, and any other room that looks junky that they might see into.

It's basically work, cause I'm the type, if come into my place, my place reflects me, and I don't like people coming in and seeing a messy place.

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What a hassle.
Then next week I've gotta travel, and super nervous about it, cause people are mean now, just look at the headlines.
It seems everyone has 199 reasons to hate you now, I mean just for existing and bothering no one, people still hate you, or so it seems.

And it doesn't help that a drank yesterday, stupid me, I should of known better, going that route never helps anything.

( By the way, I hate so called 'gun violence town hall forums, that some cities hold...why do I hate those?
Cause everyone show up except those criminals actually committing the crimes and shootings on the streets, so what good do those 'gun violence' meetings have when those shooting people up don't attend those meetings?
They're nothing more than 'feel good' 'rah rah' meetings for elected officials, what a waste of time...cause if want to stop shootings, than lock the shooters up, plain and simple)

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Anyways, got a bit distracted there by the radio.

It's Monday, I'm here, and well, hating the day so far.

It's Monday



It's Monday, but the holidays are long behind us.

Also, seems prescription 'due' now bills always come at the worst time.
It's near impossible to get ahead anymore, if a hourly worker, and older.

Either that or you have to kill yourself, mind and body, by working so much and long that you have no energy for self when home....who wants that kind of lifestyle?

I sure don't.
But I'm going broke, slowly but surely, so now what?

The future, my own future, just seems like hell to me right now.

Lately, overnight, all my open browsers on computer have been closing...that's very frustrating cause I'm working on projects that I need to remain open.
I may just start disconnecting from the internet right before bed.
But I often fall asleep while streaming a movie.
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Anyways, the day is here...let me start doing some stuff that matters.
But in the end, does anything really matter?
I don't think so, we're all fooling ourselves.