50 + years of age general comment section

When you're in physical pain, it sometimes feels as if God himself is trying to slay you.

Sometimes I can't believe I'm still here, like now, as I was laying down taking a after work nap.

As I lay there, in some kind of odd energy recovery rest on the bed, laying on back, in dull lit room, I was just like to self

'Why are you still even here'?

Hard to explain, it's just that I was just such a meaningless dull moment, empty place, Friday night, fan blowing, and I just felt as if alive without any more purpose.

Just a mood I suppose.

Was watching the TV show 'Decades'



And I guess long ago they use to have like a annual coupon festival where mainly women showed up and traded coupons, it was crazy.

That aside, with me, my shopping is so erratic that not sure if coupons would help me out.

But maybe the next time I get some flyers, and they have coupons in them, instead of just throwing them in the trash, maybe I'll see if I could actually save money on something I'd end up buying anyways, I mean why not?

And I wonder if like corner stores, convenient stores, like 'Gate', ect, I wonder if they accept coupons?

Online crap gets you nowhere, it's real life stuff that makes a difference.

Just in a weird spot where no one or nothing in the media appeals to me anymore

When I see people on media now, I just see people who in real life either hate me, demean me, or would never talk to me, so what, just because they're on TV I'm to forget that fact?

But the thing is I use to didn't think that way, I was able to seperate the TV person from the real life person, i just can't do that anymore, or at least it's becoming harder.

Everyone on TV wants me to buy this from them, support them here or there by buying this or that, yet in real life no one buys a thing from me, and could care the less if I live or die.

So this idea that I'm always suppose to feed others with my income, yet no one ever feeds me has been rubbing me wrong lately.

People no longer appear as Stars to me now, when I see them on TV

Now when I see people on TV, I just see them as the person I see in traffic, or at the grocery store, who happens to be on TV.

everyone wants to shine, but no one has ever helped me to shine, so I'm just becoming indifferent to it all now I suppose.

People are obscessed with sitting in front of a camera and being seeing by others, even radio hosts, have cameras set up so people can watch them as they talk...huh, what?

I think Rush started that with the 'diddo cam'.

But at least Rush was sorrounded by love, even as he died, I'm alive, and somewhat healthy, and still can't get that kind of love and affection people showed towards him.

It's all about who your supporting cast is in life I suppose, and I've had a terrible one up to this point.

So as people begin to die off and fade around me, I guess I really could care the less, just as I never mattered to them, all things being equal in the end I suppose.

One thing I do miss about being very much younger, is when younger I can remember always having others I looked up to, for whatever reason, they were your hero's, older siblings, parents, whomever, athletes, Rock Stars, and ect, even older classmates were fun to admire and look up to, that's what made life way more fun to me when younger, cause always had others to look up to in my mind.

Not saying they were always worthy to be looked up to, but when you're younger, you don't think of it like that.
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Now that I'm older, I just really don't look up to anyone anymore, there's no one to look up to anymore, at least not for me, maybe for others, but not for me.

Most of my older TV hero's are dead and gone, older classmates? Who know where they are now, none have ever reached out to me, that's for sure.

I don't know, I just miss that element of life, that being in awe of others, intimidated by older 'Jock' classmates or older hot babes while in school, I miss that feeling, sensation, and it's one that really only comes with being young, at least during me era, young people today, who knows how they interpret things.