Scary things about growing older

Regret, to me, is one of the scary things about growing older

To me, there's nothing scarier than regret when older, meaning knowing where you're at now is do to strategic mistakes made in the past and then knowing there's nothing you can do to change it, knowing that the clock just keeps ticking regardless of your 'if only I had done this instead'.



Yes, that clock just keeps right on ticking, and doesn't tick backwards.

It's like realizing what you did wrong, say 30 years ago, yet only having 4 days to live, it really just doesn't matter, fate is sealed by then, and it can leave one feeling very helpless, afraid and frustrated.

I mean in the movies, when you have regret, seems there's always some magical portal that you can climb into, go back, and then fix things, I wish such a portal existed in real life. (knowing my luck they'll discover such a portal after I'm dead and gone)

Not everyone has 'regret' though or struggles with it, I think the more love one has in their life, the less regret they have or able to think about, but when alone, all alone, sometimes regretful thoughts creep up on you and one can become consumed by them.

It's the idea that no matter how 'wise' you've become in your older age, you cannot reset the clock, there's like no reward for being wise at the age of 90, wisdom matters at age 30, but not sure it does at age 90, some may disagree with that.

Example, I'm way wiser now at current age, than I was say, 20 years ago, but it doesn't matter, cause the decisions I made 20 years ago have steered me to where I'm at now, and as you age you don't have the same energy or drive to 'start over' again and take risks like when in early 20's.

At 21, if I made a mistake, say lost money in a junk car or wasted money on this or that, no problem, I had the physical energy and mental stamina to rebound quickly, but now I do not.

People always say 'it's never to late', well it can be to late if don't have the capitol in life to correct things.

My 20 year old self would up and move out of where I'm at now, just leave, and blindly head for another State of my liking, no care in the world about tomorrow or what would happen once I got there, but my older self cannot do that, my older self doesn't have the same social support I had back then to say the least.

My older self realizes the enormaty of moving across the country, and the enormity of transfering driver license and changing address, and this and that, as such get wore out just thinking about it.

So ye, regret is something I find very scary about aging, the idea of not being able to go back and fix things you did years ago that would give you a better 'outcome' now or today.

Is why I try my best to stear clear of the 'regret monster', cause there's nothing one really can do with it after a while.

"Who is your protector?

One of the scary things about growing old, particularly if and when alone is 'Who is protecting you?'

That's a theme that kept running through my mind, my head, my brain, as I lay in bed this morning with a gigantic mass of pillows and other linen and other 'stuff' atop of me.

As I lay there, the thought 'Who is your protector', just kept going through my head.

When younger, or better yet when a youth, a minor ect, it's your family, biological and or adoptive family that protects you (at least that's how it should be, I realize there's many terrible acceptions to that norm, but right now focusing on 'the norm' for the sake of this post)

When a minor, either your parents, guardians or 'The State' will protect you in a normal society I'll add.

But what about when over the age of 50, single and alone, then who or what protects you?, when parents no longer a factor in your life, when age long relationships have dissolved and no more, when you cease to matter to others and are seen as nothing more than a walking relic, then who will protect you?

1. Your own sense of judgement?, in other words you have to protect yourself by the decisions you make

2. Your capitol, meaning your money or wealth, but what if have none, then what?

I mean any and everyone will 'protect you' if your wealthy, but we know it's actually your money they're protecting and not really you.

But when older, alone and single, and lack any meaningful value to others, than who or what will protect you?

'God?'....but is that really consultation, for what 500,000 people who 'god' was protecting died horrible Covid deaths this last year, or covid related deaths anyways, either way their dead and gone, but death in and of itself is not the worst of it , rather it's the process of death where emotions are applied and reflection, regret ect.

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Bottom line, if older, single and alone, I don't think this question can ever really be properly answered.

It's just one of those quiet and alone type of 'thought moments' that come up in your mind every now and then.

Oh and 4., will the Government protect you if single and alone when the time comes to be protected?

As in retirement check?, Medicare?, Healthcare?, the Police? Ambulance services?

But if that's all you have protecting you, than do you really have anymore comfort in life than someone who's in Prison?

What scares me about growing old as a single person is when reach the point when not 'sexy' to others

I know that sounds like a weird concern but here me out.

Everything's about sex appeal, whether people admit it or not.

Adults like grapes because they're cute, puppy or kitten type of cute.

Adults fear other adults usually when as we age, we stop looking 'cute and cuddly' to others, to society.

Puppies and kittens go through the same thing, is why when many reach adulthood they're taken to the dog pound.

But when we, as humans grow older, and are no longer 'cute' to others, where are we taken to?

We may not be taken to any physical place, but in other people's minds, we're taken to the dump, discarded emotionally, when we're no longer cute, sexy, or cuddly to others or society.

Now when have a spouse, or close family unit, no big deal, cause people in your family nice to you out of obligation, tradition, custom, ect, but when single, no one's obligated to take care of you or us, no one, so then what?

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Sorry, but I think being sexy to others is one of the greatest survival mechanisms in nature, and for man.
When sexy to others, there's always a door open to you, but when older, and lose sex appeal, more and more doors close.
The only exception is if you're filthy rich, being rich negates the need to be sexy.

Just look at all the homeless on the streets, most of them look very homely and unkept, you very rarely ever see a sexy, fit, smooth skinned homeless person.



People discard that which they find older and ugly and unfit.

Is why you never see younger people on the streets who still look sexy to others or another, unless they're strung out on drugs.

But being younger, fit, and attractive is like a disguise, people don't mind you living with them if they still find you attractive and somewhat youthful.

But even that varies depending on ethnicity (at least in the west)

Example, if a young fit 'B' male, many may actually fear that and see you as a threat, where as if a younger fit soft golden haired twinkish white or Asian person, you'll always seem redeemable to someone.

Many variables here, but I'm just talking straight up age here, cause no matter what color one is, even they will eventually age and use up their usefulness to others.

It's why I try so hard to stay or look fit, cause I fear when I don't, I'll mean even less to people than I do now.



So I stay fit for self, even stopped drinking as of late (not sure how long that'll last)

I have no answer, I mean unless filthy rich, the end of years just looks very grey, is why most just don't think about it until the time arrives.

What scares me about growing older, as a single person, a working class person, is losing my sex appeal, or taking on that 'old person' look, or taking on that 'post sexual' look, where others just basically see you as a walking corpse.

Growing old is grand, only when you have others up underneath you who appreciate your age, as in family, ect.

But if just old, and you're not apart of some tight family hierchy, well, than you're just old.

Now wealth covers over a multitudes of social sins and aging.

You can be as ugly as any of those 'Stein's in Hollywood, and people, women, will pretend to love and adore you, but if older and just ugly and unkept and near broke, forget about it, people will look at you with disdain, you'll have no social leverage and will be seen as a nuisance.

It's scary feeling that my time has come and gone, before I've really been able to achieve anything

As far as accomplishments that matter, I'm really like a 50 + person or soul, going on 20.

I think looking back, I know looking back, I had more going on with my life at 20 than I do now.

Now I really have nothing going on, other than a job, ye sure I have side hobby type projects, but nothing income generating.

At least when I was 20 I could still be recruited into stuff, as in the military, or other Government career programs, or civilian ones as well.

When 20, younger and more youthful looking, everyone wants you, even apprenticeship programs reach out, or Job Corps, the list goes on, I felt way more needed back then than I do now.

And I realize I'm not the first one to go through this realization.

I mean of course it helps if have a traditionally large family, with intact family units, like the olden days, and I'm sure many still have that now.
As in Grandpa/Grandma, Dad/Mom, Uncles/Aunts, and great this, great that.
But when older and single, or alienated from any type of family like that, life can begin to seem a bit more and more uncertain as time ages you.

There really is no solution to this, other than to not dwell upon it.

I have to get up and go to work today, and try to convince self that anything I do today, tomorrow, ect, even matters.

And that's not living.

It can be scary when no longer have a mom and dad who unconditionally care about you.

Outside of mom and dad, who are you, we, really?
We're simply strangers to others.

That's one sad part about growing older, especially when single and or alone.

You're just a stranger to people.