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Post by Admin on May 17, 2023 5:40:47 GMT
Continued from above I mean I guess I'm lucky in many aspects, physically, in that when I look at body in the mirror, I still have the body, leaness, tight skin and all, of a 20 year old. But for some odd reason, not just with me, but with all humans, seems the face always ages before rest of body. The face, the hands, and feet. But my hands and feet still look young, you can really only tell I'm older, or I can, when I look at my face, and even then if I didn't drink, which trying to stop doing, even then i look younger than I should look. And I should have grey hear, but because, by accident, I started putting 'bees was' in my hair, I have more hair now than I did 10 years ago. Don't get me wrong, my hair is grey, I'm sure of it, but I guess the black colored bees wax has died it black over the years, and protects it from the sun, so I still have a full hair line, even at my age. I'm a oddity for sure.  |
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Post by Admin on Jul 29, 2023 13:47:35 GMT
What do you do when hell finds you, or finally finds you? I mean we spend our whole lives running away from or trying to avoid 'hell', metaphorically speaking. And I guess hell is different to everyone. But it's mainly that one circumstance you find yourself in, that's bad, that you have no way out of. That room, that dark room, with now way out, or when there's no more doorways that lead you out of that dark room.  And that dark room could be medical in nature, or financial in nature, or having to do with relationships, as in marriage, divorce, ect, or break up. And or legal issues, and ect. But sooner or later, every one is trapped in their own hellish room, with no way out, then what? What do you do? How do you comfort yourself? Usually comfort comes in knowing things will get better, but what if find self in situation one day, that hell, where things actually won't get better, then what?... Religion?Is that when we just start pretending things will get better as a way of soothing our own soul?
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Post by Admin on Aug 12, 2023 9:17:59 GMT
Can't fall back to sleep at the moment, so bleeding off some thoughts here.
This new backlit keyboard is fine, but the keypads are a bit heavy, you have to work your finger muscles to type, that's for sure.
If have small weak hands, than you won't like this keypad....that aside.
Sometimes I feel as if I've been chemically castrated or nuetured, both physically and emotionally.
It's like I feel muted.
It's like I have dreams, that in the past would of made me wet, but now, nothing.
I guess it's just a part of aging.
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Post by Admin on Aug 12, 2023 9:20:36 GMT
I wish I could just have one full day where nothing is wrong with me, one full day of perfect health.
Seems every day it's some new issue, the sniffles, or soar knees, or this or that.
I just want a full day of perfect health, haven't had one in a while.
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Post by Admin on Sept 23, 2023 3:28:08 GMT
That moment when you get to that cliff, and you realize there's no one to catch you.
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Post by Admin on Oct 5, 2023 4:27:52 GMT
I don't know if its scary more so than sad about growing older, and that's when you're not in a position to help those around you, those or the one that you care for.
There's no worse feeling.
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Post by Admin on Oct 22, 2023 4:25:15 GMT
I don't think I'm emotionally equipped to deal with this world much longer going forward.
I don't think, alone, I'm strong enough to.
I like things, as they are, in my space, but time will soon, one day shove me out of my cozy space, then what?
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Post by Admin on Oct 30, 2023 7:56:10 GMT
I'm pretty much out of food and time I'm pretty much out of food, time and luck. Life, for most of us, just sucks. We have moments, maybe even seasons of blissfulness that are surrounded by bad weather, doom and gloom. For a while there, we think we're all special, unique, but then life circumstances tells us otherwise. Just depends on fate, I suppose. If fate is on your side, than you cannot lose, but if fate is against you, forget about it. Anyways, time is catching me. I hate time, I hate the future, I hate tomorrow, I hate next week. I wish I had something, someone, stronger than myself to lean on.
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Post by Admin on Jul 3, 2024 8:51:50 GMT
The worst thing you can be in this world is someone like me who's older, black, a male, yet hasn't accomplished a thing in life, single, no muffins, and still has the fitness of a 30 year old, yet isn't.
Who has grey hair, yet my hair is black, do to beeswax...I discovered by accident, a few years ago, that beeswax keeps your hair black, for some odd reason.
The world has no more use for me, never really did.
When in a relationship you don't even think thoughts like this, cause being in a relationship shields you from such thoughts...but when alone, what else are you going to think about, at times.
Time has passed me by, yet I'm still here, and so I foolishly still believe I have a purpose, a cause, that I can be happy if I do this or do that.
I don't know, just in a early morning mood.
I don't think like this all the time or I'd be clinically depressed...but also, I'm very self away as to how society, the people in it, perceive me in public.
Their perceptions of me are always wrong, but so what, people want to believe what they believe, and so people like me (not that there's many like me) we simply spend our days getting lashed, whipped, by other peoples warped perceptions of ourselves.
People want to be right about you, and that's that. And you can't prove that people are wrong about you in the 5-30 second interaction you have with them in public.
But then again, sometimes you can be around someone for much longer, and they're still blinded by their bias of you, it's like their eyes blind them.
In many peoples minds, if you're not a certain color, shape or age, than you're nonredeemable regardless of your character...or even behavior.
People want you to look a certain way, be a certain color, or size, or pedigree, and if you're not, they simply discard and trash you.
That's been the story of my life, and still is, and always will be.
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Post by Admin on Oct 31, 2024 6:00:43 GMT
Going broke and losing your relevance towards everyone and society.
I spent a lot of money today...trying one last thing to earn money, passive income type of money, it's a big gamble, especially at my age...if it works, great, if not...hmm
Hello streets.
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