Being poor over the age of 50, thoughts, life and discussion

In my own prison



Yep, I'm in my own type of prison.
But all prisons begin within own mind, our own minds, that's where the real prison is.

I so want things to change, but I just don't know how to bring about that change, well I do, but I lack the energy and drive to do so without love in my life.

Everyone needs to feel, be, and or have another one to love, up and until the day they die, in order to feel whole.

A lot of us just don't have that though, yet trudge on anyways.
But the older you get, the less and less things you have to string you along, to motivate you, ect.
Usually that's what having hobbits, or grandhobbits do, is they inspire you as you age, and start looking back, as your own life fades, but if have no hobbits of your own, growing old, older, can be a really empty place.

And then if you don't already own your home, and still have to pay rent into old age, then what?

Then the f what?...homelessness?
Is that the new norm for many, as the wealthy keep increasing the prices on everything.

I don't even wanna think about it, cause I, for the first time in my adult life, I have no answers right now, just concern.
Oh well.

I'm really beating my head over trying to determine what career move would be best for me at my age.
Seems now days, you can get certified in just about anything, it's a racket if you ask me, cause years ago it was called on the jobs training.

I just don't know....I mean what do I enjoy anymore?

I'm actually at the age where I just want to be left alone, to be honest.
So a job where I can at least work from home, would probably be best fit for me....but what?

Or actually, I wouldn't mind just getting a used RV, pay cash for it, and just live off the grid working some part time job.

I think I stall and procrastinate so much, cause I'm always afraid to deal with the ugliness of reality



I waste so much time, avoid doing tasks, avoid looking at checking account, avoid this and that, cause I think reality just scares me, or at least mine does.
If your life is prosperous, than you probably love your reality, but if your life is filled with pitfalls, and pot holes, and grey areas, and monsters, and goblins, then if like me, you tend to avoid reality by getting distracted on other meaningless stuff.

How to get over my fear of reality?
Well, when I'm drunk, reality doesn't scare me so bad, or not at all, but when sober, ugg, then reality really smells at time.
I guess I need to learn how to just cope with the ugliness of reality instead of always trying to dodge it, but that's easier said than done.

A career vs a job is so different...
In a job, you're simply chasing a pay check, but with a career, you're chasing your dreams and ambitions.

I'm in decent health now, but wow, sometimes I wake up and just wonder how I'm going to make it in the future, cause the reality is, is that we're all just one big or even small, mishap away from nothing.

Just one event can change everything for the worse....and it won't matter what you did 'right' before that...just one event.

I guess it helps when have support, family, a spouse, ect, but when alone, the future can really begin to look scary....very scary.

I've lost all interests in the capitalist system now, at my age

I've just lost all interest in the pursuit of employment, wealth, and whatever....but that puts me in a tough dilema since I'm not wealthy, and still have to work or go homeless.

My mistake is, is that I got to comfortable living in a apartment, with tile floors and a view, and over the years inflation, higher rent, has just caught me.

During that time, I've been working a 3 on, 4 off job, and so have gotten used to that schedule, and to go back to anything else just seems slavish to me.

Not sure what to do going forward, I really don't want to move, but high rent is forcing me out.
I just don't know what to do, lease doesn't expire for about another 5 months, but still I'm in a panic for some reason.