Today

I'm sitting on the floor...I don't know, sometimes I can sit in chairs, sometimes I can't do to pressure on lower spine and butt.
I stretch, I workout, yet sitting in a chair for to long just makes me feel like I have a old body.

Today, hmm



Ever have one of those days where you want to do something, have the energy to do something, but at the end of the day end up doing absolutely nothing.

That was my day today...had the energy, but lacked the direction or plan to do anything with that energy.
In the past, I'd of just drank and said 'screw it', and just played with myself, or entertained myself is better wording.
When drunk, high or stoned, it doesn't take much to entertain you or yourself.
It's like when drunk, high or stoned, a plurality comes out of you. As such you're able to play with yourself, in that other sides of you come out, and you start talking to yourself, dressing up oddly, and just having fun, like a one person party.

But as of late I've cut back on drinking big time, and so.

But anyways, it's Friday, a full evening/night ahead, and I'll end up doing nothing, probably, but staying home, shut in, within my own little domain.

What's out there on a Friday night to do alone anyways?
Life is more fun when horney, cause you always think you're going to meet the opposite sex, or same sex, depending on your orientation, or both.

Time, regardless, is a precious commodity, and what we do with it matters.

Right now I'm going to strip my clothing off, lay down, and watch some streaming TV on Amazon, maybe YT.

There's no one looking out for my interests anymore.
There's always plenty of people who want my/your money if and when you have it, but they're not looking out for your personal interest at all, at least not mine.

Today feels like a gigantic reality check to me right now, so my mood is responding to that reality accordingly.

Anyways, think I'll eat a quick bite of something from the fridge, then I'll go workout. I need to work off some of this inner tension.
I'm not drinking right now, cause if I were I'd be dillusional and convincing myself that the impossible was possible.

Yes, in this world, we either slowly build a heaven or a hell for ourselves, based largely on the decisions we make.

There are things that do occur outside our control, but still, at least in a free society, our decisions determine our outcome.
Make enough bad decisions, and well.

I feel anxious right now, it's like everything is coming to a head, and nothings coming together the way I thought it would.
Terrible feeling.

It's Halloween



It's Halloween!

It's been a few days since checked in here.
I just woke up from a deep mid afternoon nap, I mean deep, so deep I dreamed.

Guys wrestling, high-school or dormitory cafeteria type of settings, like a bunch of different past dreams all merging together.

Even dreamed of some older upper classmates from both K-12 to an academy I went to once later in life.
All these settings and characters just all kind of merged into one.

Guys, white guys, younger ones, wrestling and getting mad at one another when one got hurt.
Their white bright clean feets stood out to me on the mat.
Homeless people, mentally ill people, were also within this odd super dormitory type of structure.

Oh well, I'm awake now, and my real life is no where near that dynamic or exciting.
Just the opposite, and a lot of uncertainty is looming around me right now.

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Yesterday I drank, like a fool, and I think I'm still feeling it today in a strange way.

Went to Walmart earlier to get some Halloween stuff, forget it, 50% off of what was left, and the isles were cleared and the women were flocking over what was left...what a waste of my time this morning going there twice...yes twice, cause when there the first time I forgot my wallet, drove back home, back to Walmart just for them to not have anything...what a waste.

Then drove to 7 Eleven and got some backed chicken in the deli and a slice of pizza....came home, looked at some pretty W male young feet, and took a nap...lol.

I like things that are soft and pretty, could care the less what gender they are.
Not all women are soft and pretty to me, some, as they age, morph into things I don't even recognizes...at least not my sexuality or what's left of it.

I look better to myself than even some older when do to me, sucks to be me in that aspect.

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Anyhow, up now, I feel drugged or something, maybe the food I ate?
Our foods are heavily responsible for our moods, after all we are what we eat, literally.
We're made up of what we eat and nothing else.

And with that, will wrap up this first extensive Halloween post on here and the last day of Oct 24th, 2004.