Happiness and Sadness

It's amazing how one long shift of work can totally devastate your mood and moral

How I feel now, and how I felt yesterday at this time, when 'off', and in party mode, is like heaven and hell, not even night and day, but heaven and hell.

My up beat mood has just taken a dive after getting in from a long shift of driving/work.

And to top it off, stupid me booked a flight on the 3rd day of these long shifts, so that I'll get home late, (terrible mood) and then a few hours later have to go to airport, park vehicle, check in, ect = stress..

It's been a long while since I've flown, and I should of given myself a day off to 'chill', and settle my nerves instead of going from a job I hate, sleep, and then the stress of traveling.
But I was drunk, of course, when booked the flight.
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You get older like me, you just get set in your ways, your routine, your environment.
Sure, may not be grand, but it's that routine and your personal environment that makes you feel safe, especially when alone and don't have a support system.

And that's it, is that I feel so very alone right now, that's the scary part I suppose, is feeling so alone as you, I, travel so many miles from my comfort zone, I'll just be out there, no one to comfort me, just out there in the big cruel world, around people with personality disorders, ect, all alone.

Oh well, I guess I have no choice but to toughen up, or else, or else I'll have an emotional breakdown, cry out loud.

This is proving to be one of the worst times, as far as unhappiness goes, in my life.

Unhappiness is when you think people are suppose to care about you and they don't.
I was happiest when I forgot about such types.

Will make a video to explain.
It's better to literally be out of touch, as in lost numbers, contact info, with those of your past, than to have their numbers, and never get a call.

Or better yet, it's easier to change your number, that way at least you can tell yourself they don't call cause they don't have my number than to know they have your number and don't call cause they just don't care.

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Will I get through this phase?
Ye, sure, but only if I adjust my outlook, I don't want to become cold, don't let others make you cold and heartless, but I can adjust my outlook on things, for sure.

It's Tuesday



It's Tuesday, and I'm not gonna lie, I feel like utter crap right now.
My mood is off, my bodies chemistry, or physiological balance feels off as well.
And on top of that parts of my body aches...I'm just a mess today.
And it's probably only going to get worse, phycologically and even fiscally, and in other ways.

Also, I have no one to lean on for comfort, not a soul, yet still trying to do the right thing for 'devils'.

I've learned this, and that is you cannot ever please devils, ever.
Devils hate you unconditionally. You'll go broke trying to please devils, and then what?

As I sit here typing this, at this moment, I just feel doomed.
Next week, I have to go somewhere I don't want to go, but when drunk/drinking, I booked a ticket out of impulse.
The devil is also in the 'bottle', and then gets ahold of your mind and makes you do stupid things you later regret.

Right now, I have no answers or solutions, other than to try to reclaim my body, my health, my mind and my spirit, cause that's my only defense in this world.

Health is everything, without health, and not being loved, than one may as well just roll over and die.
But I'm to healthy to roll over and die, so until then will continue to get tormented by this world, my world, and those I was cursed to be born around.