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Post by Admin on Mar 10, 2022 4:01:48 GMT
After work thoughts After work thoughts
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Post by Admin on Mar 10, 2022 4:03:19 GMT
I just got off from work and feel lost.
That after work just getting home feeling of nothingness, and cause I work tomorrow, not like I can get into anything meaningful.
My work hours are really long, but that's cause only work 3 days a week, so when get home from long shift, I'm just spent...blank.
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Post by Admin on Mar 10, 2022 4:07:29 GMT
I've got about an hour to which to do anything, so will probably create a 'to do list', just to get something done, or I'll just sit here and veg out.
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2022 2:18:06 GMT
Just got in, well about 30 minutes ago, and in a post work daze.
I feel decent, but still in that post work daze.
But at least I don/t have to work tomorrow, an unexpected day off, cool.
But my future with this job, this very lose schedule, well, not sure, do to some safety issues I have about some new technology they're trying to implement on us drivers.
No one listens to the workers, the drivers, or ect. No one in admin listens to us, regardless the job, top executives decide things, buy tech from tech companies, and tech companies convince company admin 'It'll make things safer', when in fact it won't.
Never mind some of us been doing this for decades, what do we know?, says the arrogant administration.
But when their decisions begin to effect my safety and those around me, that's when I have to draw the line, not do to ego, but do to vigilance.
Workers aren't lab rats, and I get sick of tech companies always trying to convince companies that this is item or that innovation is 'needed' to optimize worker whatever...BS...maybe in some cases but not in all.
Anyways, that's for later, right now I'm home and just want to shed previous work days mental grunge and slip into a mental suit more suitable for home time.
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Post by Admin on Mar 18, 2022 3:15:53 GMT
Another reason why I'm glad I don't have any expenses outside of stuff related to place I stay, is that I'm not beholden to any one employer or job.
In other words I can quit, and not feel trapped to work simply to make payments on a car.
I have leverage, to myself, in other words.
Some people are budgeted so thinly that they need every penny they earn, I do not, not now anyways.
If I don't like a job, I can quit cause I'm not broke.
I'm not rich, far from it, but not broke either.
And sometimes jarring changes in a schedule or job are needed to open new doors, to meet new people you're better suited to have in social/work circle.
The job I have is fine now, but they just keep tweaking it, to the point where I may not feel safe.
I know this doesn't make sense how I'm writing it here, I'll get into exact details in another section on here soon.
I'm just at the point now where a job is a job, but at least this job here gives me, those who work there, plenty of time off to recoup, but leave it to outsiders to F it up for us all by implimenting new device to vehicle, while taking old device out, that to me spells disaster, I will write about the specifics of this soon, I must.
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Post by Admin on Apr 16, 2022 2:24:12 GMT
After work type of tired
Just got in, so in that after work, just got in, tired zone.
I think it's more mental than anything else, cause seems within an hour from being off, can feel the energy start coming back.
I think it's just the mental strain of the job, more than anything else.
The mind just gets tired.
Cause when at home, we hardly ever just focus on one thing for 8-14 hours at a time, where as at work we're paid to do that...as such it wears the mind down.
Oh well, I'm off now, so will try to settle into what's left of my awake time on this Friday night.
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Post by Admin on Apr 23, 2022 1:55:01 GMT
Just got in What can I say, just finished, to me what was, a brutal long 3 day work cycle, and now I'm done for a while. And on way in, there were two emergency vehicles parked out in lot, with lights on, and fire pick up truck, probably the Captain.  Who knows, it's Friday, who knows what goes on out there. I was young once to. But there were no police vehicles, so looks like more of a medical emergency. Only in the U.S. is every life so valued, that you can be a nobody to others, but if dial 911, here comes all the city and it's resources to help you. I don't know, just in that after work stupor, I think I have 4 days off or more, so 'Ye baby!'. I just hope I can stay away from drinking, drinking, now at this stage in my life, is what destroys my moral and productivity. It feels good for a few hours, but then I suffer for the next few days with low moral, and then to over come that low moral, and sickly alcohol in body feeling, I drink more. But lately, as in last 3 months or so, for the most part 96% alcohol free, but every now and then it's possible I can slip, for a variety of reasons, mainly loneliness. So, I've got to watch self and mood carefully over the next 4-5 days. And with that, it's time to settle into the weekend.
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Post by Admin on Nov 20, 2022 3:37:31 GMT
When get off work, it's like have to go through a decontamination chamber in order to feel better  OK, well maybe that's the wrong type of chamber, but you get my drift.
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Post by Admin on Jul 7, 2023 0:33:26 GMT
And well, here I am again, an older person in life trying my best to still find meaning in life other than working for a wage.
I was off for 5 days and got absolutely nothing done, nothing, nada...not good.
The show I was doing, was my life, and now that that's over, I lack direction.
I no longer want to help people like I used to.
People have never treated me well, so now that older, my desire to help others, isn't there anymore.
Not sure what I'm going to do now.
I no longer want to get my pilots license, no longer want to get a real estate license, all I want to do is win the lottery, to be honest.
Anyways, I'm home now...2 more long work days to go and I'll be off again.
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Post by Admin on Jul 7, 2023 0:34:36 GMT
I think we always need a sense of competition in our lives, competition fuels drive.
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Post by Admin on Jul 7, 2023 0:38:38 GMT
As soon as I get home now, I just loose all my drive, all I do is sit, and think, and type, but no action. Not into chasing women anymore. When younger, and if a single male, that's all you ever thought about when not working. What club or bar to go to, what event to go to, where there might be women, oh those days so long gone. Even though I still have the looks, but my heart and spirit just isn't into that anymore...maybe I need some viagra...D'oh!  |
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Post by Admin on Sept 13, 2023 23:52:58 GMT
Not sure why I always feel my worst, hours before and right when getting home from work.
I just always feel such a overwhelming sense of gloom and dread and despair.
It's a lonely driving job, ye, but in the past I didn't feel like this, maybe it's age?
Maybe it's just an accumulation of failures?, who knows.
I just know I don't like feeling like this, so grim, when I get off from work.
The feeling usually goes away after 30 minutes to an hour after I'm home, which tells me it's 100% that work environment that depresses me.
Maybe cause when at work, I have no one to talk to, so forced to dwell on own thoughts all day, and near end of day.
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Post by Admin on Sept 13, 2023 23:55:37 GMT
Usually, for some reason, I always have the most fun, always the day before I return to work, and so maybe it's that contrast.
I drink beers, I talk or text it up, I listen to music, I dream, I laugh to myself, I create stuff, while drunk (lol), but then the next day arrives and in contrast it just seems so deadening, dry and sterile.
I think, know, I should of gotten into the entertainment industry, where every day at work is exciting, I tried, but when younger didn't really know how.
No one, in this life, has ever really helped me figure out much, and so I ended up going down a lot of dead end roads.
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Post by Admin on Sept 14, 2023 0:00:40 GMT
I had such a craving for a salad, as I was fueling truck (last thing I do before driving back to yard), that I went inside, while truck was fueling, and bought a salad from the 'Gate', and boy was it delicious to me, like my body was craving whatever is in salad, the green leaves and all.
I think not having proper minerals in your body, do to drinking, can contribute to a depressed mood feeling.
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Post by Admin on Sept 14, 2023 0:24:08 GMT
Digging to Death - Movie
Not sure why this movie is like becoming a cult classic to me.
I find myself watching this movie over and over again, the guy, his bad adult life, or bad luck, just kind of reminds me of myself at times, I suppose.
At first I didn't like the movie or characters but then both began to grow on me.
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